INSECURITY

Are you that person that’s always stalking your partner, who wants to know where they are or what they are doing each minute and go through their phone contacts and messages every opportunity you get. If you are a babe, you sniff his shirt for the scent of female perfume like one expert Bingo,lol! And for the guys, you sieve through the contents of her bag looking to find God knows what, maybe a complimentary card or a phone number scribbled on a piece of paper. Well just incase you didn’t know, am telling you now: “Girl/Dude you are insecure!!!!”

Emotional insecurity is almost always a function of low self esteem. When you don’t think yourself worthy of your partner’s affection, you begin to doubt their feelings for you and you find yourself always looking over your shoulder for some imaginary (most times) thief trying to steal your man/woman.

Soon you begin to suspect every move your partner makes. When he says he is hanging with the boys, you are already picturing him in Monica’s bed. She says she has to go see her mum and you say Mum ko, Uncle ni!

You start competing with everybody for your partner’s affection and become too possessive. If a babe as much as even smiles at your man, you want to murder her or if a guy says a harmless hello to your babe, you start a fight. That’s the height of insecurity, please get a grip!!!

In most cases you end up losing him/her cos I tell you, its really difficult dealing with a partner with insecurity issues.

All this talk about insecurity reminds me of an incident that happened while I was in the university. I was living off campus in an all girls’ residence and you know how it is when babes live together, there is always jealousy, bickering and chicken fights, lol!

As a fine babe now (at the risk of sounding immodest) I had my fair share of toasters…guys who always came around to visit. Even when you refuse to disclose your address, them go trace you go your house!

Anyway as a result of my numerous toasters, some babes come dey get bad belle for moi. They’d be like: “Na only Princesa de this compound sef wey all the bobos just dey find am come, abi we no be person??” Lol! They never said this to my face though.

One day, I was in my room chilling with some of my friends when I heard a knock. On getting to the door, I discovered it was one of the girls that lived in my compound. I’ll call her ‘Desperate E’.

Desperate E had recently caught this BIG fish, a guy that lived in Lagos! (You see, though I lived all my life in Lagos, I went to Uni in Eastern Nigeria and for some of these babes wey never cross River Niger, it was a big deal if the guy lived in Lagos or Abuja, lol! If the guy live for London or America nko? That one mean say them go go do thanksgiving o!)

So back to Desperate E and her Big fish. The guy was quite loaded, he always came to visit in a black SUV and appearance wise, he didn’t look bad at all. I no blame Desperate E for wanting to protect her ‘property’ but her actions really surprised me. That day, her bobo came visiting and she had come to my room. The following exchange transpired:

Desperate E: Princesa, I have something to say to you.

Me: Yes, what is it?

Desperate E: My boyfriend is around and as long as he I here, I don’t want you o come out of your room. Just stay inside till he is gone.

Me: For what now? Why won’t I come out of my room?? What is my own with your boyfriend???

Desperate E: I don’t want you to come out and be showing that your face as if you are the only fine girl in this world. Just respect yourself and remain in your room

Me: Chei! I don suffer!! Na me do myself to fine? Abeg this is too funny o! See me see wahala. Please just go to your room and stop making me laugh. I will come out of my room if It pleases me; I can’t lock myself up just cos your bobo came visiting.

Desperate E: I have told you my own o! If you don’t want my trouble, just remain in your room.

(The babe was dead serious o!) She left for her room ,I went back into mine and told my friends what just happened. They were indignant! “Who does she think she is?”, “What rubbish??”, “See Craze o!” “Princesa you can’t take this at all!” Everybody had something to say. Me, I just sat down and thought about it…suddenly I knew what I was going to do. I shared my plan with my friends and they all agreed that it would serve her right. Now all I had to do was to wait until Desperate E’s boyfriend was ready to leave.

I didn’t wait too long. One of my friends who was on the lookout came to tell me that Desperate E and her guy were coming out of her room. I quickly went and stood by the main gate leading into the compound and waited for them. As they approached the gate, I noticed Desperate E giving me the ‘evil eye’ but I no kuku look her face. I just turned to her guy and said hello. The guy smiled and said hello to me too. I could see Desperate E was getting uneasy as she didn’t know what I was up to. I went on:

Me: My name is Princesa, I live in this compound. I’ll like you to know that your girlfriend doesn’t trust you one bit.

Guy: (Surprised, looks at his babe and turns to me) Why do you say that??

Now, Desperate E was now REALLY desperate and she cut in:

Desperate E: (tugging at her man) Darling please don’t mind her, let’s go.

Guy: No, I’ll like to hear what she has to say.

Me: (Smiling Victoriously) Your girlfriend here, came to my room earlier to warn me not to step out of my room till you are gone. She seemed scared that you would leave her for me once you set eyes on me.

From the look on her face, Desperate E was almost pissing in her pants now, her boyfriend was shocked and I was having fun (Evil princesa abi?, lol!). My friends had gathered too and were enjoying the drama.

Guy: Am really sorry about this. Please I apologize on her behalf.

Desperate E: Darling it’s a lie……

Her boyfriend turns to her and gives her a look that shuts her up.

Me: (To the guy), its okay, I just thought I should let you know what your girlfriend thinks about you.

I left them and went back to my room with my friends, satisfied that I had accomplished my mission. Desperate E came back later and it was war that day!!! Thank God I had my friends with me and they gave as good as they got.

Not long after that incident, I heard the guy left her. I don’t know if that incident contributed to their break up, all I know is that Desperate E was insecure and no one wants that in a relationship, it so damn unsexy!