Fake fake things everywhere!

This is not about bad publicity for Nigeria on my blog (Omo(detergent)no fit wash the dirty wey don stain that name already).

It’s about something that really really irks me to no end.

I'm talking about the fact that we Nigerians hate ourselves so much that we DELIBERATELY sell poison in the form of fake products, expired food products, adulterated stuff and all what not. All in the bid to make money!

This morning, I heard on the radio that some fake tin tomato brand in the market has caused the death of a number of people.

Some weeks back, it was some expired children teething medicine which claimed the lives of so many innocent children.

I ask why?!!!

Why is it that some people do not have any form of conscience at all? I mean, you know fully well that a product is hazardous to your consumers yet you still put it into the market just because of money.

Do they not understand the preciousness of life?

Do they not know that they are going to be answerable to God almighty for their deeds at the last day?

It’s crazy and sad that we have such devilish people in our midst.

May God continue to save us from them, Amen.

Talking about fake products in Naija…

I remember last Xmas, a supplier working with my company had given me a gift for Xmas- A carton of Eva bottled juice.

Na so I happy carry my Eva bottled juice go house.

I don dey imagine how I go put the drink for fridge…

How I go take enjoy my chilled Eva juice and Xmas cake,lol!

I even used the drink to do longathroat for my brother, :)

Anyway, fast forward to the day I wanted to enjoy my chilled Eva drink.

First thing I noticed was the cork.

It wasn’t the usual wooden cork. This one was rubber.

I shrugged it off thinking maybe the producers had changed the cork.

So I opened the drink. Annn…aaaa…No popping sound? The thing just open like say na bottle of water I open.

I started suspecting the drink...

But still, I was determined that nothing was coming between me and my chilled Eva drink,lol!

Na so I pour the thing inside glass

No bubbly, no nothing…Aannn…annn!!!

Afraid catch me o but I say na lie! Na me and dis drink today!

So I raised the glass to my mouth.

Kai!!! Chai!!! Ptwaaa!!!

I spat it out

Na Zobo this people carry pour inside bottle abi wetin?

The stuff had a horrid taste.

OMG!!! I was disappointed.

I had to open all the other bottles in the carton and pour away the contents while enduring my brother’s annoying laughter.

“He he he, you no drink your Eva juice again? He he he…”

The thing pain me no be small. Na so person for drink poison say im dey drink juice.

A note of warning to all those buying bottled drinks this Xmas especially Eva Juice.

Don’t buy those ones they sell on the road along Apongbon o! Make sure you buy from the importers/distributors or reputable supermarkets.

Bad people plenty!

Okay still on fake products in this our obodo Nigeria.

Wow! Am really in the mood for gist abi? lol!

This one is directed to my peeps in Lasgidi.

Have you noticed those guys selling Harpic toilet cleaner, Morning fresh liquid wash or Car wash in traffic?

You must have sha. Them plenty everywhere.

Those guys are major crooks o!

All those stuff they sell are big time Fake and adulterated products.

Sometimes you buy Harpic or Morning Fresh and you find that it is just Omo or bar soap dissolved in water.

My younger brother bought one of ‘em Liquid car wash they sell in traffic.

The poor boy emptied almost half of the fake car wash inside bucket of water yet the thing no gree foam.

This is a brand of car wash that usually requires you to use only a capful to one bucket of water o!

When I asked him how much he bought it. He replied “N200”

I laughed. “You see yourself? Something wey dem dey sell for N350 na im you buy for N200. You dey find cheap thing…now you do see am!”

Now, that is one way they trap their unsuspecting customers.

Ridiculously cheap prices!

This is where I blame the people who buy those fake things.

You know the market price of something is a lot higher that what you are been offered by those boys in traffic yet you still go ahead and buy thinking you had gotten a great bargain.

Ha ha ha…
Yes you have indeed gotten a great bargain of ‘Gbanjo’ (Fake) product!

Two days ago, I was in the car with my elder brother heading home and as usual we were stuck in traffic.

One Harpic seller passed by the car holding up his fake Harpic

“Madam, buy Harpic…”
I turned to my brother. “Bros, you know say all this Harpic wey them dey sell for Traffic na Fake?”
“How you take know?” he asked.
“For one, the price of the small size Harpic in the supermarket is about N280- N300 but these guys can sell for as low as N100. Which kain Harpic be that one? Even the company price no be N100”
He didn’t quite believe me so I said “Oya just watch and see…Hey!” I beckoned to the Harpic guy.

He quickly ran to the car. I wound down the window.
“How much you dey sell your Harpic?”
“Madam, na N280”
“N280 ke! Some thing wey dem dey sell N120??”
“N120? For where? Madam, you know the price na…Na N280 for everywhere even for market. Oya pay N250”
“Me I no pay any N250 0! Na N120 I get”
I made to wound up the window and he stopped me.
“Oya na how many you want buy?"
“Na one na! Na only one toilet I get”
“Okay bring money”
“Make I pay N120?”
“Yes, bring money”

He shoved the bottle of Harpic at me.
I thought quickly. This had been too easy. I didn’t want to buy and I had to get myself out of the situation fast. I no want make person pour spit for my face.

So I turned to my brother and mumbled some words to him. Then turned back to the guy at the window.
“Eh ya…sorry o…my husband talk say im don buy one yesterday…”
I hadn’t completed the sentence before the guy hissed and walked away.

My brother laughed. “So he agreed to sell for N120?”
“Didnt i tell you? ”

So to end this long post.
Lesson: Please be careful what you buy in this Naija cos plenty plenty fake thing full everywhere. It’s even worse when it’s something you are taking in like food or drugs.
So many have lost their lives this way.
Please be careful.

Happy Weekend everyone!

THIS IS NOT A SERMON!

Yesterday’s mass in church was very interesting.
I’ll like to share some parts of the priest’s homily with you guys.
It’s not boring trust me.

So the priest started by asking the congregation a very popular riddle.

If both your spouse and one of your parents were drowning and you had the opportunity to save one of them, who would you save?

The first person who answered (a woman) said she would save her husband. When asked why, she replied that her father was on his way out of the world and he had completed his life mission while her husband was young and still had a lot to do before departing this world.

The priest commented that most of us only value people when they are useful to us and as soon as we stop benefiting from them, we regard them as unimportant and dispensable in our lives.

According to him, this was a wrong way to think.

The second person to answer, a man this time, said he would rather save his mother because in this life he can only have one mother whereas if he so chooses, he could marry as many wives as he pleases.

When we asked what the answer to the riddle was, the priest said that there was no right or wrong answer. He said that people act in certain ways based on their experiences/outlook to life.
What would I do if I were in a similar situation?
I don’t know o, but really thinking about it now, I think I’ll save my husband for the single reason that as a result of marriage we are supposed to be ‘one’ so letting him die would be like letting a part of me die.

That’s my opinion. What would you do if you were the one?

Then again the priest posed a second question.

If a group of hired assassins approached you to tell you that they’ve been paid to kill your spouse but would spare his/her life if only you agreed to die in place of him/her. Would you agree to lay your life to save his/hers?

This question hard pass Olumo rock o, lol!

So the priest asked those who would be prepared to die in place of their spouse to raise their hands.

In a congregation of more than two thousand people, only two people raised their hands.

Even those two, I doubt if they’d be as willing when the gun is pointing them in the face,lol!

Anyway, as I was saying, two people raised their hands. I wasn’t surprised they were both men. Correct me if am wrong guys, but I am of the opinion that men love more selflessly than women. I am a woman but I admit that we tend to be more selfish than our male counterparts even when we claim to be madly in love.

Sorry, no digressing. That’s not the big issue here.

The priest’s talked about Jesus Christ who gave up his life so ours could be saved even when we were sinners. He commented on how difficult it was for us to give up our life for our spouse, yet we do not appreciate the magnitude of what Christ did for us and we carry on like it is no big deal.

The truth is, IT IS REALLY A BIG DEAL PEOPLE!

I must confess, my heart was opened wider at this revelation. To be honest, I no sure say my love for any husband go reach the point wey I go say, shoot me and leave him cos I sure say my body no go don rotten finish for ground before the man go begin eye another chickito, abi I lie?lol!

A friend of mine whose wife died at childbirth last year is getting married again this year, can you imagine that? This was a couple that was so so in love(that was the impression I had sha). They were like the model couple even though it was very young union. They were barely one year old in marriage before the wife died. Now our guy can’t wait to tie the knot with another opeke. Kai! What happened to all the "No one be like you" and all that love bla bla bla,lol!

Again I digress, sorry peeps.

Back to yesterday’s mass.

The priest also told a story. A very funny story.

At a burial Ceremony, the widow was at the graveside of her husband, wailing and screaming:
“God why my husband…Why? You could have taken me instead and left him…oh God why??”
She kept wailing while other sympathizers consoled her. Suddenly, there were thunder rumbles and lighting strikes in the sky and a voice boomed from above.
“MY DAUGHTER, I HAVE HEARD YOUR CRIES AND I AM READY TO BRING YOUR HUSBAND BACK TO LIFE”
The ecstatic woman started thanking God.
“Oh thank you father…thank you lord…thank you…”
The voiced boomed again.
“ON ONE CONDITION THOUGH, THAT YOU ALLOW YOURSELF BE BURIED IN THAT COFFIN AND YOUR HUSBAND WILL RISE BACK TO LIFE”
Guess what the woman’s response was.
“Oh God…No oooo…In fact, thy will be done o lord, you know why you took him o lord, I do not question your decision father, let thy will be done!”

LMAO!!!
See change of mouth...human beings…ever so dynamic,lol!

Abeg, I’ve got to run now but one thing I want everyone to remember is that Jesus Christ died that we might live, let us appreciate that and decide today that his death shall not be in vain.

This is not a sermon, please!

Wishing you all a lovely blessed week, Mwuahzzzz!!!

R.I.P BULLDOG

It’s been 5 days now since I saw you last.
Since I saw you wag your brown tail
Since you looked at me with those dopey eyes
Since I heard your familiar bark
Since I last fed you and heard you say “woof” in thanks

I miss you Bullus, I miss you plenty
I miss the way you run to greet me every evening I come home
I miss the way you would run round my car till I opened the door
I miss the way you would try to jump on me and I’d scream
“Don’t! You are smelling!”

You were old, more than eight years old
I remember that day you were born
A brown and black lively puppy you were
Oh! How you loved to run and play
Tugging and tearing at everything in your way

A fierce dog in your youth, you were
No stranger dared cross your path
More than one has a story to tell
Of the big brown dog that lived at No. 13
Even I who loved you and who you loved
Bear the scar of your fierceness on me

Greedy, greedy dog you were
One language you understood perfectly was food
One bone in your mouth, another between your paws
Sharing with Sherri was out of the question
Only when it was heat time did you remember she was female

A stronger dog than you we never had
You fathered so many puppies
I‘d wonder “What a randy dog!”
Climbing his mama and sister
And making them mothers at the same time

Older you grew and gentler you became
You lost your bite but still had the bark
You still struck terror in the minds of those who saw you
Your imposing size belied your failing strength
The slowness of your sprint showed that you had changed

It only got worse
With age came more illnesses,
Diarrhea and skin infections
The Vet was happy, he was making a lot of money
You had to go, you had become a liability
Dad said this over and over
I just didn’t know it would be very soon

Friday night, I came back
No Bullus to welcome me home
No Bullus to wag his tail
No Bullus to piss on my car tyres
You were gone, sold out for N1500
I could have offered more for you buddy
But no one would accept it from me

They say the man who bought you loves dog meat stew
They say he had you for dinner Friday night
I hear, you were tender and delicious
It’s not fair, not fair at all
My darling Bullus became food for a ravenous Calabar man

Can you ever forgive us?
Forgive dad for selling you for a paltry sum to Mr. Calabar?
Forgive me for not being able to stop him?
Forgive Mr. Calabar for craving Dog meat instead of Beef or chicken?

I know not where you are now
But I hope it’s a better place
A dog heaven where you can eat all the bones you want
and shag all the females you like.

Rest in peace, Bulldog (aka Bullus)

ps: Thats Bull's pic above. Cute dog, wasn't he?

.

Remembering you, L.

A few days ago, I had picked up my phone in boredom and began flipping through my contacts. Then I saw your name. I had never gotten round to deleting it. Each time I tried, I always felt as though if I deleted it, it would be like deleting the only connection I had to you; the only reminder that I once knew you! I didn’t have your picture anywhere. Not in my album, not in my phone. When I try now sometimes to recall your face, it’s almost as if I can’t remember how you looked.

As I gazed at ur number, I felt this odd compulsion to dial it. I knew in my heart that you wont be at the other end to answer it but I hoped…i just hoped that I would a hear a voice answer “hello” and it would be you. Needless to say, I didn’t hear any voice but it didn’t stop the memories from coming back.

The first time we met, I think it was in an examination hall during my Final year exams. It was Mr. B’s course and he had invited you guys to help invigilate the exam. You were in a different department, i don’t remember what course it was you offered now but I know it was in College of social sciences; same college I was in.

As usual I had written that exam the way I did my other courses. Concentrating on my paper, determined to make an ‘A’ despite the distracting “Princess! Princess!! No. 1?!” that echoed from the mouths of some of my course mates.
On several occasions, I caught you staring at me and I wondered if you suspected I had some ‘Mgbo’(Bullets-local lingo for expo in school) on me and was trying hard to catch me at cheating. I remember thinking then “Stare all you want mister, you wont see nothing!”

Anyway, days after that exam. I learnt from my friend, Ify that you were interested in me. The both of you were friendly and you had confided in her and asked her to tell me too. Later on you would walk up to me, introduce yourself and we would become friends.

I knew what you wanted from day 1. You always said it anytime you got the opportunity. You didn’t only want a relationship; you wanted it to lead to marriage. I liked you but not in the way you wanted. I was in a relationship then but it wasn’t because of that. I just didn’t feel for you like that! I told you how I felt too but you wouldn’t have any of it. You never gave up thinking that one day, if you tried REALLY hard, I would fall in love with you.

I left school. You did too. I came back to Lagos. You left for Abuja but it didn’t stop you from keeping in touch. You called regularly, enquiring about everything going on in my life. Whenever you were in Lagos, you would come to visit me at work. I was doing my youth service then and you would come, sit down in my office and watch me while I worked. You didn’t talk much…you never was a talker anyway! I would glance up to look at you in between work and wonder what was going on in your mind…If you still believed we would end up as husband and wife.

You were also a very giving person. I remember once you had come to visit me. Was it my birthday or what?? Now I really can’t remember. You had bought something for me. It was a trouser suit. Nice trouser suit but not my style. It was one of those suits that tapered thin down the legs. I didn’t wear trouser suits like that. It was also a size bigger than I was. I couldn’t tell you that though I appreciated the gesture, I would never wear the suit. Somehow, you deciphered what I was thinking from my face and you asked me if I would wear it. I had never been a good at hiding my feelings and I couldn’t lie about it so I told you it wasn’t my size and style. You had smiled graciously and said it was okay if I didn’t take it and you would give it to your sister. I was relieved you had not taken it negatively.

Then I started planning a trip to Abuja and you had told me not to worry about accommodation as you would provide a place for me to stay when I came. We had spoken a week before my scheduled trip and you had assured me you were handling things.
You can’t possibly imagine the shock I felt when days later I got that call from Jimmy. He had given it to me straight without trying to sweeten the news:
“Princess, L anwuola!” (Princess, L is dead!).
“It’s a Lie!!!” I shouted in shock. “What happened??”
He went on to tell me his own version of what happened.
You had travelled to Enugu with your elder brother who was a politician. You went cruising in his jeep round the streets of Enugu. You were attacked by armed robbers and they shot you. They ended the promising life of a young man. Some people said they were assassins sent to kill your elder brother and they got you instead. Whatever their reasons were, we may likely never find out but the glaring truth is that you were no more. Never again would I hear your voice and see your face in this life.

I cried, I cried. If tears could raise the dead, surely you would have risen but alas you were gone, never to return. I didn’t go for your burial but I mourned you my own way.

I don’t know where you are or what you are doing right now but I hope and pray that you are resting in the lord’s bosom and that someday we would meet again.

Rest in Peace L.

UPDATE

L's death is not recent. It's been over two years since he departed this life. Am not grieving anymore, just remembering. Thanks for all your condolences.