One hot night at Oshodi

It was a hot night and I was dead beat from a hectic day at work. Driving in traffic without air-conditioning didn’t make it any better too. I made a mental note to call my AC guy the following day to come check out what the problem was with the air-conditioning.

As we crawled in traffic, my mind drifted to other things. The clients I needed to call, the television and radio scripts I had to write, what I would have for dinner, blogs I was yet to read and so on.

The raspy voice broke into my thoughts and returned me to the present.
“Aunty find us something…”
I looked up to stare into the face of this rough looking young man, obviously a ‘Lagos area boy’. I quickly took in my environment and realised I was on top of Oshodi bridge(a place notorious for its area boys and thieves). When did we reach Oshodi? I thought.

My windows were wound down because of the bad air-conditioning and the tout was leaning against it almost breathing into my face.
“Äunty I say find us something…”
He wasn’t pleading. He was commanding me. I understood the situation perfectly. I had come in contact with his kind before and have also heard the experiences of others who have too. I knew it was only a matter of moments before he became even more aggressive. It was their style-obtaining by force!

Naturally, the first thought that came to mind was…girl, wound up the window quickly!
But then the young man was already leaning against the half open window and It wouldn’t be hard for him to stop the upward movement of the glass if I tried. I also remembered the gist Osi gave me about how during a similar encounter with these touts, she had succeeded in wounding up her windows only for them to smash the windows with a huge stone and finally make away with her bags and all the jewellery she had on while other road users looked on. Who would butt in ke? Everyone was scared for their own life!

I thought fast…what do I do now?

Just then another even rougher looking guy joined our mini- party. The both of them were obviously part of the same gang of ‘obtaining by force’ thieves.
“Mama…drop something for boys” Who be ur mama, devil punish you!
He even sounded less persuasive than the first guy.
“Calm down princesa”, I told myself. I couldn’t let them know how scared I was. That was the first rule- never show the enemy you are afraid- So, turning to the them with a fake smile plastered on, I said. “Ha...una come for wrong time o…no money dey now…next time abeg…”
Area boy 1 quickly retorted.
“Aunty find us something…abi you want make we show ourselves”
He moved his hands towards his waist.
Show ourselves?? Whatever did he mean by that? I didn’t want to find out o. I looked ahead, the damned traffic was not moving! I had to give them something but that would mean bringing up my bag and wont that be like the biggest mistake I could make? They were so close, all they would need to do would be to reach into my car and grab the bag with all its contents. Why wait for mere crumbs when they could have the whole loaf? That’s usually the way they reasoned. My bag was better left on the floor where it was safely hidden from their view.

My hands went to my pigeon-hole. I always kept spare change for the beggars in there.
I brought out the first note I felt in there, not even looking to see how much it was and handed it to the first guy.
He quickly grabbed it and peered at it.
“10 naira?!! This woman think say we dey play for here o” he said to his partner.
"Na 10 naira you dey give us enh?" He flung the N10 note at my face.
I picked up the money still smiling my fake smile.
Abeg manage am na…na wetin I get be dat”

From the corner of my eye, i could see the traffic had started moving, the car in front of me was moving ahead. Should I move the car, I thought. It would only be for a few metres and then they would catch up with me again, what then?
I was still holding my miserable looking N10 note and the area boys had this angry looks on their faces. This was the time when they are supposed to bring out the gun hidden under their belt or the knife in their pocket. Wasn’t it?

Paan…Paan…Paaaaaaaann!!!
The bus driver behind me was blaring his horn. He shouted something. It sounded like “Move now!!”
The boys looked startled. Exchanging a brief look, they moved. They moved away!
I couldn’t believe my luck. Quickly I put the car in gear, glancing in the side mirrors to see if they were gone for real. They were. I drove on murmuring thanks to my God and the driver behind me.

The windows were wound up now, I was hot yes but relieved. Tomorrow the A.C had to be fixed!

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Someone sent this in my face book inbox today.
"Love,please watsup love, i found you, you are my love i wish to have you as soon as possible, am dying in e call me (insert phone number) then you il make my dream come tru ;lol.but if you dont..........il'l break ya bone"

He probably thought it was funny...that last part about breaking my bone. i didn't find it funny at all. Which kain toasting be dat one??
Nonsense!

Another thing o
Visiting my facebook today, i was surprised to see so many strange things like...
princesa has added so and so as friends or princesa has joined so and so group.
My people, shock catch me o. Some of these people added as friends,i didnt even know!
I checked the time i was supposed to have done those things-9am.
9am i wasnt even online!
na wa o...does anyone understand this?
Pls i need some sort of explanation! I hope someone is not assessing my account o!
Nothing wey no fit happen for internet.

Toastin,Toastin!

Hey guys! Its another new week and my prayer for everyone is that by the end of the week we shall all have at least one or two testimonies to tell.

This post i typed last friday but wasnt able to post it due to circumstances beyond my control(lol, cliche i know).



Am not talking about toasting bread or drinking to anything. Toasting in naija parlance simply means a guy trying to chat up/court a babe in view of starting up a love relationship.
Recently, I have noticed a current trend in the toasting style of guys. I call it a trend cos its not just me its happened to, some of my friends have also confirmed its happened to them too. Now what's this new trend, u asking? Ok, here it is-

Your phone rings, it's an unfamiliar number. You answer, its an unfamiliar voice too. Next thing you hear is: "Excuse me, who is this?" Now you are wondering what the hell this is all about. You ask: "Who is this? For God's sake, you called me!" The person at the other line (usually a male voice) says: "Sorry, but I saw this number on my phone and I just wanted to find out who it was since I couldn’t remember…bla bla bla" and he goes on. Next thing he is asking for your name, telling you how you got such a nice voice and how he would love to meet you in person. Sometimes they are lucky and the babe is also willing to meet up but if its someone like me then its their unlucky day.

Sometimes its really someone you know from the past and then you end up re-familiarizing with him or her but most times its just some random guy or babe looking to start up some sort of romance. What's beats me is how they get ones number or maybe they just dial a random number and hope their net catches a BIG fish.

Just this week alone, its happened to me twice. Will tell you about this morning experience. It was after 2am and I was enjoying my sweet sleep when the sound of my phone ringing woke me up. I glanced at the phone, unfamiliar number. I am wondering who could be calling me at such an odd hour. I have a good mind to ignore the call and carry on with my sleep but on a second thought I decide to pick it.

Me (still groggy): "Hello, who is it?"
Caller: Hello, who is this?"
See me see wahala o!, which kain question be this.
Me (fully awake now): "You called me and you don’t know who you called or what"
Caller: "Am sorry, am Honourable ABC, I saw your number on my phone and I was curious to know who had the number"
Me: "Hmm… Ok so its my number"
Caller: "What is your name and where are you right now"
(Am thinking whether to cut off the phone or just humor him a little. Settling for the later, I thought up a name quickly)
Me: "My name is Jane and am in lagos"
Caller: "Ok am in Port-harcourt, Do you come to Port-harcourt regularly?"
Me: "No I don’t, I haven't been to Port-harcourt in 3 years"
Caller: "Am trying to remember where I know you, Are you in school?"
Me: "No am not. I left school some years ago"
Caller: "Which University did you attend?"
Me: " I went to XXX University"
Caller: " Oh! Now am getting it. I had a nephew who went to the same university"
Me: "Hmmm…ok"
Caller: "Are you a beautiful girl"
(Am thinking- Na wetin come bring that one now)
Me: "What has my being beautiful got to do with this?"
Caller: "I used to be in the National Assembly in that state and my nephew used to get me the phone numbers of beautiful girls, I would call them and they would come over and I usually settle them very very well o!"
(What sort of information is this? Who ask you to tell me your dirty secrets?? Hiss)
Me: I don’t think I have ever met you and i don’t know your nephew and now you've remembered how you got my number, I 'll like to go back to sleep. You woke me up"
Caller: "Yes maybe we never met but we can still meet now, Can I send you some money to come down to Port-harcourt?"
Now am thinking, this man must be really stupid, he hasnt met me and is talking about sending me mone to come see him in PH.
Me: "Sorry, am not into that game"
Caller: "What game, am only inviting you to Port-harcourt, I will make it worth your while"
(See this craze man o! he doesn’t understand English or what?)
Me: " I really have to sleep now, am not interested, bye bye"
Caller: "But……"

I dropped the phone. Now I don’t know if the guy was actually saying the truth or if he just tried to dial a random number and got me. It is even more shameful when it’s a girl doing this. Some girls actually seek out some rich dude's phone numbers and go calling in the sexiest voice they can muster. They may be lucky and if the guy is an easy one, something might just brew from there.

One fact is that this trend is becoming more and more rampant and am sure it works for some people if not they wont still be doing it.

Have you ever had one of such calls? Maybe you can share your experience with us.

RECAP FROM LAST FRIDAY.

Whats up every one! I haven’t been able to update my blog since last week cos I have been busy, busy, busy. However, I was still able to visit some of my regular blogs and for those I haven’t dropped by yet, don’t worry I have y’all in mind and will drop by as soon as I find time to.

I am going to give you guys a recap of what’s been going on with me since last Friday.

FRIDAY JULY 6TH

I didn’t go to work today as I had an interview with one of the multinational giants in the country. Had to take a casual leave from work so i could attend the interview. My boss didnt like it but he had to give in although he didnt know the real reason why.

Got to the interview venue( one of the 5 star hotels in Lagos) at about 8.15am. the letter had stated to be there by 8 but trust lagos traffic now, even though I left my house quite early still got there like 15 minutes late. Anyway. I was the last to arrive. I collected my candidate card and waited in a hall with some other candidates for the interview to begin.

At about 9am, the interview commenced. It was going to be in 3 segments-Group discussions, Analysis and presentation and a Competency based interview. Phew! From the timeplan given to be it was supposed to last till 6pm. I geared up to give it my best shot as it hadn’t been easy to get this far and it didn’t want it to be all for nothing.

One hour and One segment after, we went for a tea break. My group had been the last to finish our discussions and by the time we got to the Tea room, sharp guys and babes done chop the better things finish. Just a few croissants, toasts and pastries were left. Being the nice babe I am and since I was supposed to be on a diet, I decided to leave the snacks for my other group members to share and I had some watermelon and pineapple slices which tasted nice anyway.

Next was the analysis and presentation stage after which we went for a second break. This time, it was for lunch. Me, I didn’t want any story this time o so I made sure I was among the first set to get to the restaurant. Turned out it was unnecessary as it was a buffet and they was more than enough food to go round. I sha use vex enter the food, taking a bit of every thing that smelt/looked good: Jollof rice, bushmeat, chicken, beef and shaki, salad, Efo riro(vegetable soup). Yea,I know I was supposed to be on a diet but the kain hunger wey dey gba me then no let me think that side at all but sha when every one was going for deserts I had to tell myself: “Princess u berra respect urself and just gum ur yansh for chair!”.

Last stage of the interview over, it was time to battle my way through the crazy island traffic back home. Got home about 8pm, took my bath and went straight to bed.

I am praying I get the job and I need y’all to do some prayers/fasting for me too. When I get the job I go buy una………….ok ok just let me know what you want then and it will be granted and noo this is not a politician’s promise at all.

SATURDAY JULY 7TH

I did some cleaning/washing around the house in the morning. At about 12pm,I went with my brother to buy a spare tire for my car(I had been driving for a while now without one, God know what my fate would have been in the hands of Lagos area boys if I ever had the misfortune of a flat tire driving at night, God! I don’t even want to think of that). Got back home at about after 1pm. Decided to go do a lil’ shopping at the Trade fair complex along badagry express way. That was a huge mistake as I was in the traffic for close to four hours. Since the rains started, most of the already bad roads have deteriorated and that was the major cause of this crazy traffic. By the time I got to Trade fair complex around 5pm, the market was already closed. All the stress had been for nothing! One stupid danfo driver even dented my car sef. Feeling sorry for myself, I turned back again homewards this time to sweat it out again in the traffic for another 2 hours. Finally got home at about 7pm after wasted 6 hours of my time, fuel, energy all for nothing. I was soooo frustrated and tired after the whole experience. I thought of all the things I could have done, like going to the salon, watching movies or even sleeping, anything but the stress I went through.

Took my bath, watched a movie halfway and slept off.

SUNDAY JULY 8^TH

After the stress of the previous day, i just didn’t feel like driving to church coupled with the fact that to get a parking space in my church is something else(u could still be looking for where to park ur car and the mass would be over before you find one) so i decided to take a bus/okada(a bike) which ever one I got first. 15 mins later I was still standing under my umbrella (it was raining) at the entrance to my close waiting for a bus/okada. Just as I was contemplating going back home to pick my car, this jeep drives out of the close and stops in front of me. I peered in to see if it was someone i knew but the face looked unfamiliar. The driver wound down the glass and asked if he could drop me off. I had no choice o! It was either that or go back home to pick my car and risk spending the whole time looking for where to park. I got in and prepared my self for the toasting I knew was going to follow. I was in no mood for any toasting but i just had to be nice afterall he was doing me a favour by dropping me off @ church.

As I was about getting down he asked for my number and I just smiled and said “Am sorry but my boyfriend wont take kindly to men calling me”. He was a gentleman and didn’t push any further.

Am in church and trying to listen to the homily but am being distracted by some guy that just keeps staring @ me like am some alien or something. Why do people have to stare stupidly at someone? I mean if you have to stare why not do it stylishly??

Went to the salon to do my hair for the week.

Later in the day I hung out @ the palms mall in lekki with my friend Obi. It’s his birthday today(Manda u missed, sorry u had to work).

MONDAY JULY 9^TH

Back to work. Meetings, Meetings, Meetings. We are preparing for an advertising pitch in the office and that means chasing graphic artists, copywriters, radio/television jingles producers, printers and all. Work has to be completed in time for the presentation date scheduled by Client.

TUESDAY JULY 10TH

Work, Work, and more work! Have to do a photography shoot for the advertising campaign. Co-ordinating kids aint an easy task o! “Aunty I want sweets! I want more sweets!! I want to peeepeee!!!!” God have mercy!

WEDNESDAY JULY 11TH

Work.

More work.

3pm. My boss calls me-"Princess, get ready we have a meeting with the chairman of xxxxx Company by 4 pm". God! Not today! am thinking. I already have a headache and if i know that woman very well(The chairman of xxxxx Company), we will sit for like 2 hours before she see us. that would mean we would be starting the meeting about 6pm and if we are lucky to round up in an hour. we should leave there by 7pm. The trip back to the office will take another 45mins(if the traffic is not too heavy), then i would leave for home around 7:45pm to get home in another 1 hour. 8:45pm!

No way!

I buzz my boss.

"Sir, cant we reschedule the meeting for tomorrow morning, its already late".

"No, we cant. It was hard enough to get this appointment. If the client says she wants it at 6pm we just have to be there".

6pm. We are still in the reception waiting for her majesty. My colleague turns to me and whispers:

"Even if na president we come see sef, e no go be like dis"

Finally around 6.30pm, we were ushered in to her office by her secretary.

Meeting starts. My boss introduces the agenda. Guess what Madam says:

"Am sorry but we havnt even discussed this in house yet. We have to reschedule this meeting to next week."

God! I feel like giving this woman a knock on the head.

Now i have to go face the late evening rush hour traffic. God help me!

THURSDAY JULY 12TH

Still more work. Thank God no meetings today. Am not in the mood for too much grammar. More photography shoots. Work has to be concluded this week so i just have to get off this computer and do some more chasing around the agency.

See you around guys.