Friday, August 3, 2007


This post was inspired by KpaKpando's recent post on her blog. .

It's always easy to judge someone else when its not you wearing the shoes and you don’t know where it pinches. Easy to put on that 'holier-than-thou' attitude and condemn someone else's actions. Also very easy to forget that probably if you were in that person's position you may have done even worse.
No one is qualified to judge anyone, Only God.

Read on…….

Ring Ring Ring
That was my phone.
I glanced to see who was calling. It was J.
We had met at the university though we weren't really friends then, just plain hi hi acquaintances. Later we met again while doing our youth service at the same local government and became quite close since then.

"hello J, what's up?"
"Hi Princess, are u in the office? I am coming to see you"
"Yea I am"
"Ok then see you soon"

The first thing I noticed as she walked in was that she had put on some weight. I hadn’t seen her in what? One month! We hugged and she sat down.

"Nne what's been happening to you now? U added weight o!"
"Abi! I just dey my sister" She replied.
We got to catching up on gists and stuff that happened in our lives since we last saw and that was when she started pouring it all out. I don’t know why but most of my friends seem to confide a lot in me. Some have told me that its very easy to talk to me, some say am a very good listener, others say am very motherly. Na them sabi sha, I guess it’s a good thing to be able to listen and give advice to someone who needs it knowing that they trust you well enough to confide in you.

So back to J. I knew she was in a relationship with some guy she had met recently. The last time we met up she had gone on and on about this new guy she was dating who didn’t like to take her out but preferred she spent all the time in his house doing you know what. I had told her to leave him if she felt he wasn’t worth it and when I noticed her reluctance I asked:
"Maybe he is very good at it?'
She giggled and nodded.
It turned out that this guy was very skilled in the art that is played out on the bed(you know what I mean abeg) and that was why my friend was sticking with him.

I listened to her as she went on. Two months into her relationship with this guy, she noticed that her monthly visitor didn't show up as usual. Thinking that it was probably late due to stress (it normally happened that way for her at times), she wasn’t really bothered until one week turned into two then three, four, five, six. She had even begun to put on weight. Worried, she decided to run a test. Test out. It was confirmed, babe was preggers.

She told the guy and as she feared, Bobo was very reluctant and advised her to get rid of it. Thinking about it then, she realized she didn’t even want to marry the guy so she had to do it. Abort the pregnancy.

She had gone ahead to abort it and feeling very guilty and needing someone to talk to. She headed her to my office to share her story. After listening to her, I told her that even though I have been fortunate enough never to have had one(abortion) in my life, I know it was a hard decision for her to take and all she needed was pray about it and God would forgive her. She was surprised when I said I hadn’t had an abortion before and after then seemed quite withdrawn. I guess she felt I was going to look at her in another light because of what she did and put on the attitude but I didn’t and she gradually relaxed. We talked about other things and she left. Now that was years back and we are still good friends up till now.

Why did I have to recount all that.
Well, the point am trying to make here is that just because I was fortunate not to be in her shoes doesn’t mean I am better than she is or I wouldn’t have done what she did.

When we find others in such situations.
It is always better to think:

"There goes I but for the grace of God."

Have a nice weekend everyone.


Obi said...

Ah well...guess the babe just couldn't do without a good lay (as if anyof us can)
And can sometimes be easy to climb on a high horse and look down on a percieved wrong doer...but like my granpapa used to say..."when you point a finger at someone, three of your own fingers are pointing back at you"

Omosewa said...

True talk. Have a nice one too babe.

Sparkle said...

Words of wisdom...thanks for sharing
It is easy to talk of sitting at home contented, when others are seeing or making shows. But not to have been where it is supposed, and seldom supposed falsely, that all would go if they could; to be able to say nothing when everyone is talking; to have no opinion when everyone is judging; to hear exclamations of rapture without power to depress; to listen to falsehoods without right to contradict, is, after all, a state of temporary inferiority, in which the mind is rather hardened by stubbornness, than supported by fortitude. If the world be worth winning let us enjoy it, if it is to be despised let us despise it by conviction. But the world is not to be despised but as it is compared with something better.

nice post

30+ said...

One of my girls aborted too and she told me, my first reaction nearly gave away my dissapointment but I readjusted quickly afterall it is not about me.

I cried in my heart for so long because I knew she wanted the child but for that swine of a husband... I grieved for the unborn child too.

She has come out stronger, praise God.

Sisbee said...

30+ that story sounds frighteningly familiar......but maybe I'm just deja vu'ing. Princess, you're right, Jesus threw no stones so who are we to? Sometimes we can't put ourselves in someones elses shoes, but one thing we can do, is let them know it's going to be alright.

catwalq said...

Abortion is an a touchy subject because most religions consider it murder.
I don't. For the simple reason that two souls cannot inhabit the same body at any given time.There cannot be two drivers at the wheel.

And murder is the cessation of life to a soul. Which I do not consider abortion to be.

The saddest part is that most women who undergo abortions do it out of desperation and "necessity" and not as a result of promiscuity. What about those who have conceived as a result of rape?

Have compassion. And if you cannot, be detached and let God take care of His own.

Ugo Daniels said...

In life, there must be a balance between good and evil. It's left for one to find it and when the person does, what a happy ending it'll be.

have a nice one too!

Izz said...

I like the way you speak your mind. The words have impact. Thanks for sharing and reminding me that I must keep speaking my own mind.

azuka said...

Nice. It's great to be known as someone who's always there... ;-)

...toyintomato said...

...exactly, "There goes I but for the grace of God."..that just sums it all

Olamild said...

U r right sha
Not doing what others do
does not make s better than them.
She needs to leave that guy and move on with her life

ebony said...

So eloquently said. It is easy for people to put others down just to feel a little better about their insecure selves!

lulu said...

me too people find it easy to talk to me both guys and girls and the same coomment is what i get, motherly, listener,no judger...etc so yeah...i totally understand, i have never had an abortion or gone as far with a guy but... ihave known so many people that have and have told me i feel like i have personally been judge... true that

classybabe said...

Abortion can be a very touchy subject but there are so many situations when it's the only alternative.I thank God i never had to make that decision because i cant imagine how difficult or heart-wrenching it could be

Aijay said...

If you must judge, be your own judge. Simple!
Btw, nice pic.

Anonymous said...

he without sin be the first to cast a stone!we cannot judge o but give good xtainly advice o

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

Yea, 'there goes i but for the grace of God'. Its good not to look down on pple cos of their experiences cos rily noone is entirely pure and innocent. A friend of mine also told me bout her experience, it was sad but it only made her a better person.......not saying what she did was right but she learnt from it. Its what matters!

And awwwwwwwwww ur highness is such a cutie, Nice pic!
U spiced up ur blog real nice, ahn ahn. Me sef will vex and go and pepper up my own o.

onydchic said...

Well spoken. I think as Nigerians we would make a lot more progress if we weren't so judgmental. I'm more of live and let live person, and while it's not everything we agree with, it's mot our place either to point fingers, cos it could be us in that situation, right?

Nyemoni said...

I see you changed you layout? Nicey! Meanwhile, who is the person at your office who takes all these lovely pictures of you? And pray tell what do you mean by "the art that is played out on the bed?" I'm having a brain fog! LOL!

No judgement o!

A Kel called Wonder ...... said...

Well said, it's so easy to judge and be in sensitive. Princesa ur blog is rocking o! How far now?

Friend of God said...

There goes I but for the grace of God....hmmm

princesa said...

Thanks everyone for all ur comments.

@obi, lol. Speak for urself o!
Ur granpapa talk true sha.

@omosewa, thanks luv.Hope u had a nice birthday.

@sparkle,you don become philosopher o! Is dat supposed to be a poem? lol.

@30+, yea praise God! Thanks for dropping in.

@sisbee, yea babes.

@catrwalq dear, U are entitled to yur opinion ok but i think abortion is murder. A baby in the womb is alive.

@UgoD, finding a balance between good and evil??? My darling Ugo, its either Good or Evil. No inbetween.The point is not to condemn anyone whatever their choice.Just help them return to the good.

@izz, thanks.

@azuka, yea i guess so but sometimes it to be real hard work.


princesa said...

@TT, o girl! Are u on your trip yet??

@olamild, yea she has left him and moved on long ago.

@ebony, yes true. Thanks for dropping in.

@lulu, "gone as far with a guy"? abeg expantiate. U a virgin?? If so, keep it up ok.

@classybabe, yes o!Thank God one has been very lucky not to be in such situation.

@aijay, thanks.

@pink-satin and onydchic, true true.

@Chicala, lol. will come check how far with the blog peperring.

@Nyemoni, welcome back from training babe.
Na me dey take the pics o!No one takes my pics as well as i do them.
lol @ brain fog,u don forget the art wey you do last nite :)

@a kel, i dey my sister!


Rinsola said...

really very easy to be the judge. We sure need His grace.

diary of a G said...

hey p
am on holiday
the fest is over but the parties aint stop

am so lazy I don't know when I'll write the story

have a nive day

princesa said...

@rinsola, yea his grace is it!
@DOG, lazy lazy.

Manda said...

they've said it all, so imma just add dat i trty not to judge so i dont get judged!

Rinsola said...

princesa, thou shall not come empty handed, 'cos thou would not leave empty handed. if i no see u, then i shall fedex.

Sparkle said...

ok o...when is d birthday?

femme said...

just stopping by to say hi.

Manda said...

@ sparkle, on the 31st of this month.

@ princesa, u no go update? got them stuffs. Thanx

pamelastitch said...

sometimes it is so easy to judge....

thank you for reminding me....


princesa said...

@rinsola, girl i hope the party is not over yet! Running over rightaway.

@sparkle, manda don answer you o!
@femme, yea hi too.Thanks.
@pammy, u r welcome dear.
@manda, terrorist u want hijack my page!

exschoolnerd said...

i also detest judgemental people...and i try as much a spossible not to judge not saying i dnt do it certain times but i try so hard.I dont think anybody has the righht to judge the other person becaue u r not in his/her shoes.

and like the bible says...."let he whose shit doesnt stank cast the first stone"(well not exctly like that)

Sparkle said...

ehmm wetin be today's date sef
Princesa uyr blog don due for update o...abi u wan make I call my lawyer?

diary of a G said...

whoa P
I just saw your comment on femme's blog (the witch thing)
I know it was just a hypothetical situation
I never thought you would even think like that
don't hurt nobody
messing with ya

princesa said...

@exschoolnerd, lol@ "let he whose shit doesnt stank".
Its so apt dear, everyone's shit stinks!

@sparkle,lol. Updating now.
@DOG, it was just a joke dude!

Copido said...

Good of you to remind us.....

Copido said...

Well-written. It's a very important lesson. I learnt early in life not to be judgemental though I may have my own opinions. I sooo hope your friend has moved on with her life and that she's learnt love isn't always about a good lay...

princesa said...

@copido, yea she has!
We all have our own opinions but we also need to allow others be.
So true.

Kpakpando said...

hey, just getting here today, been busy with the move and all... i read the comments on that post as well and I just brushed it off my shoulder. Yes it's easy to demonize certain sins, conveniently forgetting in the eyes of God all sins are equal; so as they crucify me for having an abortion that I don't regret, I hope they know that.
So yes thank God for his grace and mercy