‘DOCTOR’ MY TEDDY.

I love teddies! Infact I love all stuffed animals, ugly or pretty as long as they are cuddly, I love them! Yea,I know, old mama like me, I don’t care. Maybe its becos I am the only girl amongst my siblings and having no one to play girly games with while growing up I had to turn to my dolls and teddies for comfort. It was either that or risk breaking a leg playing football with the boys (I did join once in a while and yes I sprained my knee once). My love for dolls waned as i went from girl to lady, but I never gave up on my stuffed animals and i still have a 'lil collection up till now. The biggest of them all is a big, cuddly teddy that I call ‘Doctor’ cos he’s got these cute eyeglasses that reminds me of a doctor friend of mine. Doctor was given to me about four years back by my brother as a birthday gift and since then he has always been my bedside companion, a much needed warmth on cold nights (am making do with him till I get a permanent bed warmer). Recently he disappeared(adbucted more like) but luckily I found him last week behind the settee in the living room, poor thing was looking so rumpled and harassed. Am sure it was the handiwork of my mum and her sister-my aunty. I’m going to tell you why they did it.

In the first place my mum has never hid her dislike for all my teddies and every little chance she gets, she starts to tell me about how ‘these things can be possessed by some demon”. You know like in the movie- CHUCKY. Usually when she starts, I just laugh and try to calm her fears with “Mum! These things are harmless! They are just stuffed animals” and she would always go” I have told you my own o! You this stubborn girl”. She would rest the case there only to bring it up again any chance she got.

2 months ago, my mum’s sister came to visit us and one day while we (mumsy, aunty and me) were gisting in my room the issue of marriage came up(it always does at times like this) and my aunty started-

Aunty: Ehen, princess, when are you calling us o?
Me (feigning ignorance): Calling you for what aunty? My birthday??
Mum: Silly girl, which birthday? Aunty is talking about your wedding!
Me: Wedding?? Haba Mummy, but you know I cant marry myself na.
Aunty: Hmmm…. So what about all these young men that are coming around you?
Me: Youngmen? Where are they?? There are no young men o,aunty.
Mum: Don’t mind her, that’s not true. She is just too picky, always finding one fault or the other with all her suitors.
Me (feigning hurt): Mummy!! So you want me to just marry any man that comes my way eh? Is dat what you are saying??
Aunty: That’s not what you mother is saying, all we are saying is you are not getting any younger dear, choose one of them, no body is perfect you know.
Me (tired of arguing now): Ok I hear aunty, just provide one young man now and see if I won’t marry him tomorrow.
Mum: Na so! Let him come now and lets see if you won’t say his head is too big or his leg too short.
Me: Mummy!!!!
Aunty (to my mother now): Sister, on a second thought, I think the problem this girl is having is all these ogbanje things she has in her room like dis one now(picking up doctor(my teddy) from my bed and throwing him on the floor). This thing is blocking you from getting married if you don’t know.
Mum (nodding her head in agreement): yes you are right. Tell her o! I have talked and talked but she won’t ever listen. Those things are possessed.
Me (picking up my teddy): Please you guys should stop, what has this teddy got to do with my marriage now?
Aunty: You are asking? You don’t know that the love you are supposed to be giving to a man is what you are pouring on these things and as long as you keep having them around you won’t be able to love a man enough to marry him.
Me: God! I cant believe you are saying this aunty! This teddy has got nothing to do with my loving any man. Please lets just change this topic. Don’t worry, God will give me my husband very soon so you can do ‘asoebi’ ok?
Aunty: Amen o! But you still have to throw this thing away o! Abi sister?
Mum: Yes, we will get rid of it for her.
Me: Let me not look for my teddy o!

Two days later, I returned from work to find that doctor had disappeared. I immediately went to ask my mum and her sister.
Me: My teddy is missing. Where did you guys put him?
Mum (feigning surprise): Teddy? Which teddy??(Looking at her sister) Did u see any teddy???
Aunty: Teddy ke! I didn’t o! (To me)Have you checked your room properly)
(Am thinking to my self, see these two old women o! Playing tricks with me)
Me: You people stop this now. Where have you hidden my teddy? I hope you didn’t burn it o!(now I was scared for doctor).
Aunty: Your mum has taken it to her school (mumsie has a school), she dashed it to the kids in Kindergarten.
Mum: Yes I did.
Me: You did what? Please bring back my teddy o! I don’t like all dis!
Mum: Don’t worry my dear, now we have removed it, you will see that your husband will come soon.
Aunty (concurring): Yes you will see.
(This people are serious o!)
Me: So it’s the kids in Kindergarten that deserve to keep a possessed teddy abi? Please bring back my teddy, I beg you.
Mum/Aunty (laughing at me): See old woman crying for teddy, u are not ashamed of yourself Princess.

I turned the house upside down but couldn’t find doctor. I had already begun making plans to go to mum’s school to retrieve my teddy when I stumbled on him that Saturday morning while cleaning the house. Am sure whoever hid him there had done it recently cos I had cleaned the house before then and didn’t remember seeing him there. Anyway, I dusted my teddy and returned him back to his place on my bed. Aunty has since left for her base but I still have a feeling my mum is trying to abduct the teddy again and this time he may not be so lucky. If I know my mum well, she may burn him up.
Seriously now guys, what do you think? The thought of a teddy blocking my chances at marriage is really absurd to me but I’ll also like to hear your opinions on this.

ps. The pic above is not my teddy(Doctor) but doesn't he look adorable.