Wednesday, November 28, 2007

AGE…BIG DEAL OR NOT??


I attended a wedding two Saturdays ago. Nice, colourful wedding. There were lots to eat and even more to drink. There were the beautifully dressed guests, the obviously rich groom and the very pretty bride. Everything seemed just perfect that is until you notice the glaring age difference between the couple. The groom looked to be in his mid/late forties while the bride looked like she was in her mid twenties (a likely 20 years age difference between both of them). However they looked happy and ready to take on the challenges of matrimony together.

Now, this takes us to the title of this post. Is age between couples a big deal? I mean is age a determining factor to the success of a marriage? Does marrying a younger man/older man guarantee happiness in wedlock?? Peeps, would you prefer your partner to be older/younger/same age as you???

Personally I do not think there is anything wrong with one marrying a man/woman who is a lot older than he/she is. What matters is if you find happiness with the person, age is secondary. I had a suitor some years back. I was 24years at the time and he was 49years (a whopping 25years difference between us!). He was based in the U.S and had seen my photo with a friend over there. He got my number from her and called and we started chatting over the phone. He sounded very youthful and nice, his voice didn’t belie his age and I didn’t enquire about his age anyway.

Our friendship developed over the phone and months later he visited Nigeria and we met up. When I saw him, I knew he was no young man in his thirties but I wasn’t prepared for it when he told me he was 49 going on 50, Whoa!!!
He told me more still. He had being married but the marriage didn’t work out and they parted ways. He was ready to try out marriage again and he felt I was the one for him, bla, bla bla. Anyway long story short, he proposed but I didn’t accept. I did not reject his proposal because he was old enough to be my father. No, there were other reasons that bordered on character. He was quite arrogant for instance and I couldn’t stand it.

Am sure some of you are probably surprised that I would even consider marrying him despite the age difference. You see, the thing is i have always been attracted to older men anyway. My first REAL boyfriend was 32 while I was barely 18 years. The youngest guy I have ever dated was at least 5years older than moi! How’s that? I also think older guys make better lovers(My opinion o!), its okay if you disagree.

For me really, age is no big deal.

55 comments:

diary of a G said...

oh my gosh, oh my gosh
what do I do
am I first
I can't believe it
YES
haha

diary of a G said...

am with you P, In fact I plan to get rich then marry a whopping
20+ hot babe
my logic, her beauty will lost even into my old age

I'd like to thank god for blessing me with coming first on your blog
and prey that am not gonna be late for work..gottta runnnnnnnn....

30+ said...

Yes o Princessa.

When they are much older, all the gra gra would have died down, he is more level headed, settled and knows where he is going.

I will have an issue hooking up with someone much younger than I sha

princesa said...

@D.O.G, Great!You come first today dude. Dont worry, you wont get to work late,ok?
Lol! So you want to marry a much younger babes enh? I hope she wont mind your age then sha.
Remember me when those riches come o!

@30+, i agree with you dear.
I also have an issue with dating guys younger than me.

Carlang said...

Okay..
sigh!
I guess that means you and me isnt going to happen.
lol.
Personally i'm not one to bother age.
If she;s funny.
Smart and can still kiss..

Love is in the air!!

Nyemoni said...

LOL..LOL..You're funny babes...To me, age is nothing but a number but it really depends on the people involved...While for myself: Now I'm talking personally- I prefer for the age gap to be slim cos I like the feeling of growing and aging together, I find relationships with a wide age gap interesting...It really depends on what rocks one's boat and as long as age is not going to be a problem for either party, best of luck to em!

exschoolnerd said...

just like u age isnt that much of a problem and i sorta prefer them older...they r not perfect but some of them tend to be a lil bit wiser n experienced.I dont see anything wrong sha...except if he's 80 and ur like 29...then my eyebrows will raise.

onydchic said...

I look at the idea of dating much older guys the same way someone might look at getting an STD. I find something extroadinarily disurbing at dating somebody who was probably in university (or secondary school) before my parents even considered conceiving me.

I feel there'll be a generation gap, and no matter how 'youthful' the guy might appear, he almost always wont be able to look at issues the same way as you, or understand.I've also found that it's almost inevitable that the whole 'father figure' thing will come into play where the guy will go all 'i'm older and i know bettter' foolishness. Besides, like nyenomi said, ull grow old together.

Not to mention, i dont think an older guy is a guarantee of maturity. I've met more than enough 30-somethings who stil need a reality check.
2,3,4,5 or maybe even 6 years(could i just be saying that cos ive recently fallen for a guy 6 yrs older ?!?!?)... but anything else is just pushing it!!!
(Long comment, what can i say, im pasionate abt the topic)

Queen of My Castle said...

I'm with 30+ Men are more settle as they get older. I am 26 and will not date anyone that is not at least 30. Not all men are mature at that age, but most at least have a clue as to what they want out of life and have passed that "Chasing anything in a skirt" phase. My current Mr. is 32 and I love it. Very interesting post. I agree, older men make better lovers, as most of them aim to please the woman.

s.chic said...

Hey Princesa, like many have said "age is but a number." I personally like older guys as well, but i think sometimes it's really all in our heads sha. A friend and I recently met a young man who was doing things and going places and from talking to him we assumed his age, and i guess we were both thinking about the same thing in regards to how we could like him,(found out his a blogger too) only for my friend to come back and tell me we were actually a good 4yrs older than the chap. But for real, you could never have guessed.

fantasy queen said...

most say older guys are more comfortable with who they are, and then they've been there, done that, and they're its all about making u feel good.so you dont really have to deal with the clash of the egos and all the everyday hussles of the average couple...
i actually enjoy the company of older people, i really cant gel with my mates n stuff, but i think a ten year difference would be my limit.except i want to immortalise anna nicole then i'd probably look for a frail older guy...maybe baba?

princesa said...

@Carlang,lol! So how much younger than me are you dude? Maybe i can reconsider o!

@Nyemoni, like you said babes, it all depends on what rocks a person's boat!

@exschoolnerd,lol@80 and 29! That one na to go suffer na. To dey pack old man shit no be my idea of love o!

@onydchic, wao! Girl i see u are really passionate about this topic. So you cant date/marry a guy older than 6 years? Okay not bad. Just pray you dont fall in love with someone lots older than you.

@castle queen,so well said dearie.

@S.chic,you have a point girl!Age is really just a number when you think about it. So what happened with the guy now? Una let am go like that??

@fantasy queen,LMAO!!!!
Okay so 10 year limit for you. Not bad.

Obi said...

Hmmm...why does EVERYBODY start with "age is just a number", then follow up with "but"...???
Just curious...

Naapali said...

Back in Unilag when us regular guys stood no chance with the Moremites and New Hall babes as they hopped from Mercedes to Lexus, my buddy had declared "dem just born the girl I go marry". His rationale was it would take 20 yrs for him to get his own Mercedes/Lexus and return to Unilag to finally date one of those unattainable girls.

From reading your post and comments, it appears most women see this only in light of older guy/younger woman. How about the Demi Moore / Ashton Kuchter role?

Naapali said...

By the way (totally unrelated to your post), Princesa, I think you should take down your pictures from your blog. They are so beautiful they are distracting preventing one from reading!!! :-)

Isi said...

er...am with onydchic on this one. abeg princesa,wetin u and 50 year old man get in common? lol!
how u dey?

Allied said...

49 to your 24? whoa!! i no fit do that one oh.

Anyway, yes age is a number but for me, i can't date anyone more than 5-7 yrs than me. I dont know, i just feel we need to grow old together.

I can't still be doing "ayounge" and my husband is already wearing diapers to bed.. abeg!!

Sparkle said...

I was listening to "Mojo in the morning" yesterday when those guys were arguing about what's right or wrong...u know Chris Brown...dating his manager who is 30 yrs old...can u imagine...the boy is 18..just graduated high school..dating a 30 yr old woman...for me that is a big NO NO!!!

But, I agree with u...in d lady's case..age is no big deal...as long as he's not old enough to be my father...I'm fine with it

Rayo said...

Funny enough, I've been having this conversation with people a lot lately. Personally, I have no problem dating a much older man as long as we are on the same level emotionally. Not to say that I would actively go out searching for an older man, but if it did happen, then I wouldn't reject it. In my opinion (guys don't kill me for saying this), men remain children their entire lives, therefore it is easy for mature younger women to relate to older men.

pamelastitch said...

LOL!!

What are you trying to tell us??? Me wonders... :-D

Is the new guy younger?? :P (LOL!! you can't catch me - Ran away)..

jummy said...

Lmao at allied "ayounge" that cracked me up

Well I guess its easier for men as always they can have the best of both worlds

Men date younger babes and thats no big deal anymore.infact its the babe that will be called all sorts of names.


these days they date older women and its fashionable to be her gigolo if anything its the older women that gets the brunt n insults that go with it

Well personally i loved dating older guys they dont get intimidated unlike the younger
Guys

I do have a problem with dating younger guys even if its just by months

But i dont see the big deal either way

If u understand each other and have so much fun together why not?

zerkhezi said...

I've thot for a while abt this topic and sumn baffles me. If a 40 yr old man dates a 15 yr old and they have a sexual relationship, then he can go to jail for being a peadophile (Uk law). But the moment he becomes 41 and she becomes 16 then its legal. What is the difference? if any1 has a good answer for this pls can they let me know, thanks

Age isnt a big deal so far its nothing crazy.

bibi said...

when i was young, i used to say all sorts.. i would never date anyone more than 5 yrs older than me.. getting older i quickly took that back... i think older men are more caring and wat not..
lately ive had some 30 plus men who are asking me out and i'm just 20.. sometimes i'm like its no big deal.. but sometimes i have these thoughts in my mind, these men are ready to settle and stuff.. i doubt if ill be ready to get married in the next 8 years.. i wouldnt wanna hurt anyone..
i really dont see my self dating someone who is like 10 yrs older than me.. thats for now.. i'm still young and stuff.. if and when i get to a latter age like 25, 26.. i wouldnt mind having one as a husband.. but for now, abeg lemme enjoy my youthful days..

GERALD said...

I am 24yrs but I can't go for a lady who is above me even by a single day....

Aijay said...

@Zerks, my thots exactly.

P, personally age isn't a big deal cos it doesn't define maturity. However, I will not date or marry a guy who's younger than me or the same age as me. Am I contradicting myself? Lol.
5-8 years difference is fine, not 20 years. What am I doing with a guy my dad's age??

The thing about men who are way older is that they tend to dote on u, almost trying to become a father figure.
I once tried to date a guy like that @ 18. Men, it didn't last. I had to opt out. Dude had the 'she's a small taata' attitude which drove me nuts. It didn't work for me.
I'm young @ heart & I don't need a father figure.
Like others have said, I'd rather grow with my man... we can make our mistakes, learn from them. What else? We can do stuff together eg Bungee jump etc without worrying about his health et al. U know what I mean. Lol.
Mr is 6years older & I'm totally cool with it.

princesa said...

@obi,its funny to me too. We say we dont mind and then again we contradict ourselves by our actions,lol!

@naapali, lol! Okay doc i take the comment on my pics as a compliment. I had once taken them down and all the guys declared hunger strike,lol! Maybe i 'll conduct a poll to find out if i should take my pics down or not.
On Demi Moore / Ashton Kuchter, i think the rule applies both ways.
I wouldnt go for a younger guy not to talk of one i could be a mum to.

@isi,lol! Maybe you go ask bianca wetin she get in common with Ojukwu. Na love na!

@allied, i like the feeling of growing old together with my hubby but i dont think marrying a man younger/same age guarantees that you will grow old together.
God forbid bad thing but what if the guy dies prematurely? What happens then??

@Sparkle, 30 versus 18 is a No NO for you because she is a woman abi?? Lots of 30 year old men marry 18 year olds in this country o and they are looked upon as young couples.
My lil' coz(she is 19) is getting married to a guy who is 32 and my aunty (her mum) actually said something like-"They are kids, they will grow and learn together".
This made me realise that in our society here, 32 year old guys are still refered to a very young,lol!

@rayo, am with you all the way girl! Who doesnt know men are overgrown babies,lol!

Afrobabe said...

Chineke, I was online yesterday reading blogs like my job depended on it...how the hell did i miss first here?

Older guys...Personally I have dated my mate once and would never do it again..I prefer older guys but my ideal is 5/6 yrs older than me...that is enough for mutual respect..anything older and he starts to say things like "you weren't born then" andything younger and all he wants is sex and asks silly questions that aren't cute...

princesa said...

@pammy, am coming after you babe! You can run but cant hide o! Come back and explain this ur ajuju,lol!

@jummy, babes you made a lot of sense. You see why I have been begging you to start ur blog. I think for men its easier both ways…whether their partner is younger or older!

@zerkhezi, that’s an interesting angle after all whether 40/15 or 41/16 it’s the same age difference. Those UK peeps had better revise that law o!

@bibi, hmmm so you’ve still got 8 years to enjoy ur youthful days. Have fun dear.

@gerald,lol! That’s harsh dude. Okay what if she is older by some hours??lol!

@aijay,lol!@ 'she's a small taata attitude' ! That would definitely drive me nuts too. Lucky you, your Mr. is perfect in many ways. AM GREEN WITH ENVY BABES!!!! :)

princesa said...

@afrobabe,lol! SO you were rading blogs like your job depended on it,lol! I hope ur boss doesnt catch you o! I no want hire P.A yet.

You sound like you are talking form experience. Okay so what are some of those silly questions younger guys ask that aint so cute??lol!

simplynuttie said...

Age really matters to me....i dont want to end up with a baby boy who is yet to know the difference between his mum's apron and my undies.

Aijay said...

Babe, sorry about that. It got stuck. We haven't finished our convo.
I owe u an email. *Wink*

Naapali said...

Princesa: pls leave your pics up. my comment was completely tongue in cheek.
So what is wrong with dating/marrying a younger guy?
regarding Zerkhezi's comment; the line has to be drawn somewhere, sometimes arbitrarily but what practical alternatives can u think of?

KimPossible said...

Hey Lady! I absolutely don't see anything wrong with someone marrying younger or older than them. I think each party has to have "real talk" and keep communication open. Because a lot of times generational barriers and living life longer can bring such a huge gap. A gap that I have seen a lot of my friends work through and for others it just didn't work. Some of them realized, "this dude is trying to be my daddy and I am not having it", others realized "she is young and she hasn't really dated a lot of people and she is not ready to settle down." At the end of the day you do what works best for you. But just make sure you weigh the pros and cons. Which is what we have to do in every area of our lives right? One bad decision can change the dynamics of your life and so can a good decision.

I will DEF be back on your blog. GOOD post chica.

Stay in touch and drop by my blog spot.
KimPossible

Afrobabe said...

the kind of questions younger guys ask???

Ok here goes?

Him: hi,how now?
me:fine, what's up?
Him: nothing,just realised I hadn't heard ur voice today.
me:ok,so what's up?

at this point an older guy will say something interesting...him? not at all..

him: the weather was nice today abi?

me: thinking...is it a question? ok yes.
him: so what did u eat last night?

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I DON'T HAVE STRENGHT FOR THAT ABEG!

Ubong Da said...

so you were disvirgined by a 32 year old man eh. Ezeh and Lolo must hear this in fact whey my gsm make I call them now now....No beg me oh.

Ubong Da said...

@afrobabe: why you dey stress the young guy now shoo, cann't you help him make the conversation more interesting instead of setting high jump for him eh. Odikwa no good o!

Zephi said...

age is not a problem for me...as long as you look young. lolz.

onydchic said...

@afrobabe
I dont believe a bad conversation is the result of age, it means the guy (and probably you) arent interesting!!! There are guys I could chat wih for hours, and others, withing 45 seconds, I'm staring at my nails in boredom!

Rapunzel said...

hi there, stumbled on your blog and its interesting to see that your latest post is one that has been a topic of discussion between my best friends and I lately..my first boyfy was 7 yrs older than i was ( i was 17 and he was 24) and before last year- the youngest guy i dated after him was 6 yrs older than me- fast forward to 2005- i meet this guy, he lies about his age- claiming to be 2 yrs older than me- i already had an issue with that as he was YOUNG compared to what i as used to, but kept an open mind- until- i discovered a week after we started dating that i was actually 1 year older than he is.. i struggled and struggled to come to terms with it and in the end- i chose to continue the relationship- it was a very good relationship becos he is a very mature person- however we broke up 18 months after becos of issues that would never have arisen if he was an older guy.. maybe a younger guy in his 30s is more imaginable but if you're 27 and your man is 26- its a lot harder- and NO, i dont regret dating him- but would i do it again if the opportunity presents itself?? NO, I DON'T THINK SO, i'm sticking to the 6yrs minimum - 10 yrs maximum..place that i'm used to- damn, i shud start a blog... actually i just realised- i did start one yday..LOL!!

Afrobabe said...

Ubong da...I need someone with experience in words and deed jare.

onydchic...guess so.

CATWALQ a.k.a LAGBA-JESS said...

I am dating a guy more than ten years older than I am.
We are different and we are alike.
We set the tone for what our relationship is and it has nothing to do with age but alot to do with character, principles and the connection we have.
I always gravitated towards the older men but I never thought I'd fall for someone that much older. I love it and it is working out.
Setting standards should not be equated to be the same as putting restrictions on your happiness.
Thus, age is nothing but a number and I am with Rayo

Arewa said...

ooooh damn IM SOO LATE FROM 1ST TO 41ST..AHAAH I MUST STEP UP MY GAME....
Now to the issue of age and realtionships...just like you.. i preffer to date older guys and have never dated any guys my age or younger....its just that older men are lot more mature and understanding.... they are able to reason with you and are a lot more proactive than guys my age or younger.....its funny u put up this post.. as i was thinking of putting up something similar ..no worries...u beat me to it....i will still put up my post but not soo soon.
Hope all is well with u though and i hope u are being a good gal...lol..love ya x x

guerreiranigeriana said...

hmmmnnn...nope...i like them fairly close in age to me...no more than 5 or 6 older...don't do younger (thinking of reconsidering this because they won't be tired from sex like the old heads)...i have a childlike spirit...need someone just old enough to not be irritated by it and still be able to relate...what am i talking about?;0...i'm just an asshole like that...i set arbitrary rules for myself...

...for others, do whatever makes you happy...na only one judge oh e no be me!...

...*thanks God because she is playing maxwell's womans work-song i love!!*...

princesa said...

@simplynuttie,lol! Okay thats if he is younger than you. So what of a much older guy? Would you consider?
BTW, whats up with mot allowing us comment on ur blog except we are team members?? Abeg o!

@aijay, you see wetin NEPA cause abi? Just as the jist was getting sweeter,lol! We need to conclude that gist o!Buzz me when you come online.

@naapali, No sweat doc, i knew you were joking. For me, i really dont think its wrong dating a younger man. Just a matter of preference. An older guy is usually more experience every way(U get?)lol!

@kimpossible, i agree what works for one may not work for the other.The thing is to find someone you are REALLY happy with. That will always work.
Will check out ur blog. Thanks for dropping by mine.

@afrobabe, lol babes! You are simply a CLOWN!!!
Actually there is this guy that calls me in the morning to ask:"have you eaten breakfast?". In the afternoon he calls again and ask:"Have you eaten lunch?", I dont need to tell you what he'll ask at night again, do i?
Funny enough the guy is older than i am so i guess its not only the younger guys that do it.
BORING...doesnt have to do with age o!

@ubongda, lol! You need credit for ur phone??
Abeg no be the guy open the gate o! It was an even older guy,lol!
Now am sure that'll make even more juicier gossip for my folks ears abi?

princesa said...

@zephi,lol! What is the guy is not only looking young but actually young and you are like twice his age??

@onydchic, i agree with you girl!afro you hear abi?

@Rapunzel,i guess what you are trying to say is that if a guy is youger than you are, there will always be certain issues in the relationship usually cos of his age abi?
maybe you have a point. I also think that if both partners understand each other well, they will be able to deal with those issues.
Your ex shouldnt have lied about his age.He was insecure from the start.
Will look up your blog. Welcome to blogville.

@afrobabe, i feel you dear.

@catwalq,"I love it and it is working out". I think that sums it all. I pray it keeps working out dear.

@arewa, you need to step up o!lol! Looks like older guys are winning with the babes o!
Am looking forward to reading ur own post on this issue dear.

@guerreiranigeriana,lol!
Na wa for this ya name o! The thing hard to spell no be small.
About getting tired easily during sex, dont trtry some old papas o! You'll be surprised at the energy some of these older guys still have,lol!

AnyaPosh said...

True talk Princesa! Age isn't too much of a problem but when that is lumped up with a flawed personality, then it becomes a real issue! Plus, I absolutely LOVE maxwell's woman's worth you have there in your playlist!

Pink-satin said...

hey princesa...its been a while since i visited ur page..interesting topic...i cannot date/marry anyone younger than me...i am bossy by nature and if d guy is younger i will boss him even more.....d perfect age limit for me is 1-4 years that is the guy would be older

Writefreak said...

I think age is nothing but a number..what matters in a marriage relationship is the love, understanding and mutual respect between the couple. On the other hand, an age gap that's too wide, i don't support. There's a generation gap between the couple that way and it becomes a bit hard for either to accept the other's friends when they're married. I could marry a younger or slightly older guy but not too old. I like the idea of being friends and growing together maybe cos i met my hubby in uni!

princesa said...

@anyaposh,Wow! You hit it on the head girl! Its not the age that matters. Its the personality involved. The guy i talked about in my post didn’t pass with me cos i wasnt feeling his attitude not his age.
Glad you love maxwell's Woman's worth. Its one of my favs.

@pink-satin, babe you still dey this blogville?? Glad to see you here again.
So you bossy?? What you need is a man that can tame you girl, age regardless,lol!

@writefreak, some valid points you made there. About the generational gap thing, I think there are still some exceptions to the rule. I have seen some twenty something year olds that even think like oldies and some oldies that still enjoy some youngy stuff,lol!

simplynuttie said...

Babe, i tire o.
The setting is to "google/blogger"

Abi wat?

reply sharp sharp!

Jaybabe said...

I think my man friend has to read this one. Can you believe that he says me and him got not future together bcoz of his age? And that he's goona die two days after our marriage? **hisssss**..age is just a number ooo! Abeg Princesa, help me convince this guy that we can make it oooo!

Zephi said...

then I hope i look young enough for him..lol

Florida of Free Spirit said...

These Igbo brothers no dey gree marry till dem no old finish, na den dem go dey rn after pickin dem & dem go dey wonder y she no gree!! I've suitors of over 10 years age difference far more than i'd like to admit. It's embarrassing, esp since my mom thinks there's not a thing wrong with it - they'd take care of me better, she claims. No me dat one dey bother me, sef. I neva reach 30, e dey me like dis? Wen i go ready for action, na den him go wan slow down??? Abeg, lead us not into temptation, esp when it can be avoided.

Ejura said...

Hi Princesa! Just stopped to holla and then i find some very interesting posts.
Ok my two cents-I don't see anything wrong with being in a relationship with an older man. Sometimes I actually even prefer it. So far they are alive, healthy, emotional stable, free of emotional baggage etc, I'm ok with them. On the other hand, I doubt I could have anything to do with a younger man. Gals like Demi are really doing well with their Ashtons but unfortunately it doesn't work for me. In this case, age is more than a number for me.

teediva said...

lol. just as i read that part about them asking about dinneer and lunch, i got a text from MN asking if i've had lunch. hilarious! but it's true.

i dont think it has anything to do with age. it just means we communicate so much he knows everything else about me and cares enough to bother whether i eat or not..or at least i can tell myself that...lol.