Mba nu!

Hey guys, what’s popping?!


Thanks to everyone who commented on my brother’s wedding photos. They were lovely, kind comments although I think a little partial. Come on…my dress wasn’t that fab or was it really? Don’t mind me, I know it was. Got a lot of compliments, even my cousin who always feels like no one’s got it ‘spot on’ like she does actually asked me to take her to my tailor. So I guess my tailor deserves some kudos, right?

I haven’t been able to browse blogs or post any cos my laptop went awry.
Yes, the same laptop I just got few months back and it wasn’t the laptop’s fault o…it was the fault of a colleague of mine. Friends, a piece of advice, always listen to your instincts. I didn’t listen to mine and paid the price.



Okay last week, this colleague of mine came to borrow my computer speakers. I didn’t see any need not to oblige him since I was on my way out to a meeting so I allowed him take the speakers. The next day when I got back my speakers from him, they weren’t working anymore! Guess what he said when I asked him what happened- “I don’t know o!” I was so pissed, I mean if you don’t know…who knows??
Anyway, there was nothing I could do about it, the speakers were bad and that was that. I just made a mental note to not give out my speakers to anyone again.



So fast forward to two days ago, Wednesday exactly. I was preparing to leave for a meeting again when this same colleague of mine came to ask that I leave my laptop on for him cos he really needed to look up something on the net. My head screamed-HELL NO!!! but then again, I thought to myself, what could possibly go wrong, it was just him browsing the internet abi? So I left the system on for him to use only to get back later in the day to find that my system was not booting anymore. It just wasn’t coming up!



I quickly called him-my colleague and asked what happened to my laptop. His answer? You guessed right… "I don’t know o!”

It was only after I probed further, I learnt that he didn’t shut down my system after using it. He simply closed the lid and walked away! According to him, that was the way he handled his own laptop and there hadn’t been any problem so far. Imagine!!!

Who doesn’t know that after using a computer, he/she should shut it down??
Those that just close the lid of their laptops probably have preset it to hibernate or standby or something!



Anyway, long story short, thank God for HP laptops, I was able to recover my system to the original factory condition. Fine, I lost my installed programs and some files but am grateful my system is back and running again.

I have learnt my lesson and will NEVER again lend my laptop to anybody. Once bitten(or is it twice already), forever shy!

On to other gists.
It’s funny how in the last few days, I have been getting a lot of marriage pressure especially from the oddest quarters. Is it because my eldest brother just got married, everyone thinks princesa should be giving them invitation cards to her own wedding now?

First it was my cousin who came to my office on Monday. She had only just recently got married herself; her traditional wedding was two weeks before my brother’s. So she came to my office, ranted at me for not showing up at her wedding even though I had told her earlier that I won’t be able to make it down to the east for hers. After apologizing and placating her, she finally took a seat, asked how my brother’s wedding went then it started the inquisition.

“So now Kingsley is married, when is yours coming up?”
I look at her, amazed.
This my cousin is about 5 years older than I am and she just recently got married. Was it not just a few months back that she was single, desperate and frustrated by all the pressure from family and friends??
I remember I was the one who always encouraged her and told her not to worry cos her time would soon come. Now she had joined the crew reminding me of the fact that I aint getting younger.
Perhaps she was joking, I thought so I tried to change the topic.
“So how did your wedding go? Did you come with any pics?”
“I am serious o…I know you are still young but you know you are very fast, you finished school on time, you started work on time, you drive a car and you look older than your age…” She went on.
I was flabbergasted! This is not happening. This babe was serious for real.
“Okay so what? I am not bothered girl, I’ll get married when I will maybe after your sister U gets married”
Her sister U is like two years older than me and still single. She should go bug her sister and not me! Just cos she finally got herself a husband doesn’t give her the right to become a pest in my life. Some people sef!

The next day, on my way to a meeting with my boss and another colleague. My boss brought up the same topic of marriage.
He went on about how he felt I should have had two kids by now and about how I need to make a decision and settle down with any available man(okay maybe he didn’t put it that way but he implied it)
Thank God for my colleague, who on seeing my embarrassment quickly came to my defence. He butted in that I needed to take my time and it wasn’t all about ‘how fast’ but ‘how well’.
We finally won the argument and my boss let it drop but I still have a feeling that he is going to bring it up again very soon.

Later on, during our meeting at the client’s office. Guess whose case was brought up again? Correct…moi!

One of them (my client) told my boss that he needed to give me a project deadline.
I was confused, wondering what project they were talking about until they all burst out laughing. All of them men and married laughing at poor helpless princesa, the only lady in their midst.

Another one chirped in that I should stop torturing guys and get married so they will all know that am ‘officially off the shelf’. It was funny and not funny at the same time.

I understand that they are probably all concerned about me. My cousin, My boss and My clients but hell, I need some breathing space…they should free me abeg. I am not going to say ‘yes’ to the next guy that proposes just because I am desperate to answer Mrs. Somebody.
Mba nu!(Not at all!)

THE TRADITIONAL WEDDING PHOTOS

Yeah, i know you all have been waiting eagerly for the wedding pics.
See them, all forming anonymous while waiting to view princesa's pics! Anyway, lucky for you guys, am not anonymous, all ye photo mongers for no see picture,lol!

The wedding went well.
I no get strength for long tory.
You guys just click on the link below and view some of the pics.
http://picasaweb.google.com/princessimma/KingsleyAmaraSTraditionalWedding

Just blabbing!

I know I promised to do a proper post last time but I wasn’t able to do it until now cos I was a little indisposed,lol, who am I kidding?? I was down! Down with malaria fever for 5 whole days! It wasn’t funny at all. One minute, I was hale and bubbly, the next I was burning up, shivering and in pains. These past days have been hell, I tell you but am glad it’s over now, am stronger and back to work.

Seriously now, I don’t have anything to blog about. My head is like empty right now. This is so unlike me, cos I usually have a lot in my head just begging to be put down but today, when I really need to blog about something, anything…i cant put my thoughts together. Did someone say after effects of the malaria? lol! I didn’t have cerebral malaria so don’t even go there!

Hmmm…what to gist…what to gist…

Okay, have I told you guys that my brother’s traditional wedding is coming up this Saturday? I put up the link to their wedding webbie, some time ago and many of you were sweet enough to visit and sign their guestbook. Well, in a few days, they would be traditionally wedded (is that a phrase?)lol! Anyway, this means that I would be travelling down east cos I have to play a prominent role in the wedding, It’s my brother remember? However I am so not looking forward to the long road trip to my village and its not just because of the “when are you calling us” which I am sure to get from my aunts and uncles, it’s because I HATE long distance trips by road!. Yea I know there are airplanes and flights to the east but hey are you gonna give the money?? I am megally broke,lol! NO! I am not kidding, I am serious! Yes even princesses gets broke at times and no, I haven’t been spending frivolously… okay… I admit I did spend frivolously on something recently, Something I probably never even needed in the first place (I didn’t realize it then). Don’t ask me what it was cos I aint telling. Lol! Maybe if I hadn’t bought it, I would have extra cash to pay for my flight down east this weekend*sighs*

Oh well, I can’t dwell on that now, I just need to get my road travel gear ready for the inevitable road trip. Aha! Did I mention that my brother’s wife, my sister-in-law is a really sweet and lovely person and am sure we’ll get along really well. I never had a sister growing up and am glad am getting one now by marriage,lol! Am sure she’ll enjoy her new family. We are waiting to receive her with open arms.

Ahem! I picked up my clothes from the tailor’s yesterday. It’s the ones am rocking at the traditional wedding and the Church thanksgiving. I daresay they look absolutely fab and I know am going to get a lot of compliments on my outfit on the D-day. Whose eyes is turning green??lol!
Maybe I’ll have some pics for you all when I return. Maybe you guys will have to beg me before I post any,lol!
Anyway, thing is I am looking forward to having a blast this weekend, I hope you all do too!
Am out,
Cheers,
princesa

LIFE LESSON

A long time ago, there was an Emperor
who told his horseman that if he could ride on his horse and cover as much land area as he liked, he-the Emperor would give him the area of land he had covered.
Sure enough, the horseman quickly jumped onto his horse and rode as fast as possible to cover as much land area as he could. He kept on riding and riding, whipping the horse to go as fast as possible.

When he was hungry or tired, he did not stop because he wanted to cover as much area as possible until he came to a point when he had covered a substantial area and was exhausted and dying.

Then he asked himself, "Why did I push myself so hard to cover so much land area? Now I am dying and I only need a very small area to bury myself"

The above story is similar with the journey of our Life.

We push very hard everyday to make more money, to gain power and recognition.

We neglect our health , time with our family and we fail to appreciate the surrounding beauty and the hobbies we love.

One day when we look back , we will realize that we don't really need that much ,but then we cannot turn back time for what we have missed.

Life is not about making money, acquiring power or recognition.

Life is definitely not about work!

Work is only necessary to keep us living so as to enjoy the beauty and pleasures of life.

Life is a balance of Work and Play, Family and Personal time. You have to decide how you want to balance your Life, define your priorities. Realize what you are able to compromise but always let some of your decisions be based on your instincts.

Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of Life, the whole aim of human existence so take it easy, do what you want to do and appreciate nature.

Life is fragile , Life is short. Do not take Life for granted. Live a balanced lifestyle and enjoy Life!

Watch your thoughts ; they become words.

Watch your wordss ; they become actions.

Watch your actions ; they become habits.

Watch your habits; they become character.

Watch your character; it becomes your destiny!

Make una manage this one, i go do proper post later,lol!

princesa.

...and they say Nigerians are dishonest!

I am Nigerian and I am not a dishonest person but ever since I grew to understand the meaning of the word-Honesty, I have been made to understand that Nigerians are very dishonest people at least that is how we are portrayed everywhere especially outside the shores of this country.

I am not going to start making arguments or try to prove that this impression is wrong, however what I do know is that dishonest people abound in all races and colours. Being Nigerian doesn’t make a person dishonest. It’s a choice of character…people can always decide to be honest or not.

That said, of late I have had reasons to begin to believe that Nigerians may really be honest people despite the hard conditions we have to live with. I mean, come on…we all know how challenging it is living in this country. The average common man lives below a dollar a day…how pathetic! There are so many factors that encourage dishonesty and crime in this country. I am not trying to make excuses for the criminal minded; all I am saying is the environment we live in contributes a great deal to our character. A hungry man is more likely to think of stealing food to calm his rumbling belly than a man who’s had enough to eat.

Like I said earlier, some recent incidents have made me arrive at the conclusion that Nigerian may really be honest people after all or perhaps there is some transformation of character going on.

Just last Easter, my parents travelled down to the village as is their usual custom. I didn’t go with them… had too much work to deal with here in Lagos. One night , I was home chilling when I get a call from my cousin who is based in Kaduna. She calls to tell me that a strange person had called her with my mum’s number to say that she picked up my mum’s phone somewhere in my mum’s village. She didn’t know how to get the phone back to its owner and decided to call the first name stored on the phone(which was my cousin’s). My cousin had thought I was in the village with my folks and decided to reach me so I could tell my mum.
I called my mum to let her know and she was very relieved to hear the news. It turned out she had gone to her hometown for a meeting earlier that day and misplaced the phone but didn’t know where.
Long story short, she called the woman, met up with her and retrieved her phone the next day.
What a honest woman! Nothing stopped her from just flinging the Sim card into the nearest bush and pocketing the handset but she chose to go the honest way-returning the phone back to its owner.

Now, two days ago, my brother had come to see me in my office, actually he had come to give me five litres of fuel to help me get my car home. Yea, it’s fuel scarcity time again in Naija, crazy! Living near a huge river yet one still can’t get a cup of water to wash one’s face, that’s the irony in this country. It’s really sad. I am lucky I was able to get a few litres of petrol this morning if not I would have had to take public transport home which I haven’t done for a long time. Pity the BRT (Newly introduced bus transport system in Lagos) buses haven’t started plying my home route yet; it would have been an opportunity to have my first ride in them. I hear they are very comfortable though.
Anyway, I digress.

So my brother had come to give me the fuel. While pouring the fuel into my tank he had kept his phone on top the car and somehow forgot it there. After fueling the car, we drove off and the phone probably fell off as I moved.

It wasn’t until he needed to make a call during our ride home that he realized his phone wasn’t with him. There was nothing we could do, we were almost home and couldn’t turn back to go look for the phone. We didn’t even know where exactly it had fallen so we tried to call his number and kept getting “the number you’ve called is not available at the moment, please try later”. In Naija, if you are looking for your phone and dial it to get that response, it could be interpreted to mean: “bros, just forget this phone o…nothing for you and this phone again, person wey need am don claim am”,lol! As in someone must have picked it and turned it off already or replaced your Sim card with his.

So we thought-no hope! The phone was gone. My brother immediately started making plans on how to arrange for a new phone.

Yesterday morning, when I got to work, I passed by the Mallam(Hausa man) who watches over the compound and it struck me to ask him about the phone. I asked if he had seen any phone around and the man immediately answered in the affirmative. In a few minutes, I was holding my brother’s phone. I was pleasantly surprised and gave him a little something to put in his pocket. Nothing stopped him from saying he hadn’t seen any phone, there was no way I was going to know if he had or not but he chose to be honest and returned the phone to me. Now, this is a night watch man who may not even have a phone much less one like my brother’s, still he didn’t hold on to what wasn’t his, he gave it back.
Honest mallam!

Later on in the day(same yesterday), I had to attend a meeting with my boss at a client’s office and since there was no fuel in any of the cars cos of the fuel scarcity, we had to take a cab.
Naturally, we also had to take a cab back to the office after our meeting.

I didn’t realize my phone was missing until after a few hours after I had gotten back to the office. I wanted to make a call and couldn’t find my phone. I turned my bag inside out and scattered my desk until it occurred to me that I must have dropped the phone in that taxi cab we took back to the office. I remembered I had the phone in my hand when I was in the cab.

So I quickly dialed the number and got: “Ol’ gal, just forget this phone o…nothing for you and this phone again, person wey need am don claim am”, lol! Okay I kid. I got the usual number is not available story. I was so sad. My contacts, My pictures, My music, My videos even my text messages(lol, yes I save the very nice ones…am mushy like dat!) were all gone…just like that! I didn’t want to believe it.

At that same time, I was chatting with a friend and blogger-Obi so I told him what had happened. He tried to call my phone and told me it was ringing. A man picked the phone and told him he was at a hospital somewhere in Lagos. He gave him the directions on how to get there to pick the phone. I was relieved, overjoyed and skeptical at the same time. How were we to know it wasn’t a trap or something? Obi reassured me that there was no reason for the man to want to trap him and that he would go himself to the place and get my phone back for me. What a sweetheart! Obi am sure you are reading this. I want to say a very BIG thank you once again. You are incredible dude!

So I got my phone back this morning in one piece. As I type this post, my phone is right here on my desk smiling at me and I am smiling back,lol!
According to the man who gave the phone to Obi, a patient of his had picked up the phone from a cab on his way to the hospital and gave it to him to try and get it back to the owner. The patient and the doctor had the choice to be dishonest but they weren’t. They were both honest Nigerians!

So you see, we are a good people after all!

The morning of April 4th,1998

I typed this post last friday but couldn't post it cos i was out of the office for the best part of that day.

Anyway just incase you are wondering why the date reads 4th april. Dont worry you're not seeing double, i backdated it,lol!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Fourth of April, 1998.
It’s a decade already but the events of that day are still very fresh in my mind. It’s not easy to forget negative experiences.

That day was a Saturday. It was the day me and my brother were going to write JAMB for the second time. For those who do not know, JAMB is like a compulsory examination which you have to sit for and pass before you can enter any of the universities in Nigeria.
My brother and I were taking the exam for the second time, not that we had failed the first attempt but the results of the center where we wrote that first JAMB exam had been cancelled for reasons best known to JAMB people.
So we had to write another JAMB exam and it was scheduled for Fourth April 1998.

The day broke normally. Nothing suggested that anything negative was going to happen. Unlike other Saturdays when we slept in as late as we wanted, we had to rise early to prepare for our exams that day. Our exam center was very far from where we lived at the time and we couldn’t afford to take chances with the Lagos traffic.

My mum voice woke us up that morning. She was always a light sleeper.
“See this children! Its 6.30am and you people are still sleeping enh? You have forgotten you have an exam today abi? Your mates are already at their exam centres and my own children are here snoring their life away…oya hanlele(get up quickly) from that bed and go get ready!”

I jumped out of bad and headed for the bathroom to take a quick shower.

I was coming out of the bathroom when I heard the noise. It was my mum shouting at the top of her voice.
“ COME AND OPEN THE DOOR O, SOME PEOPLE ARE HERE!!”
Her voice was coming from the direction of the front door to the house. I wondered why she was out there shouting for someone to open the front door when she knew we hardly opened that door. She could have come through the back door except maybe the people she was talking about were strangers. Then I wondered what kind of strangers would come visiting at 6.30am in the morning. It all seemed strange so I went to the sitting room to peep out of the window.
There she was, standing on the front porch with two strange looking men. She didn’t look like anything was wrong but there was something strange about the way she was screaming at the top of her voice for someone to open the door.
What I didn’t know then was that those men were men of the underworld, in simple speak-armed robbers and my mum was trying to alert those of us inside that something was wrong. I didn’t get her message but my dad did and he locked his door and hid in his toilet. Perhaps that was his saving grace, if those devils had met him, they may have killed him.

My instincts said not to open the front door so I decided to go through the back door and check what was really up. I was still clad in my towel. As I opened the back door to step out, there was my brother and my cousin being led back into the house by another strange looking man. I still didn’t immediately realize that they were armed robbers. I stood there at the door blocking their entrance and asked.
“What is happening? Who is this man??”

At that same moment, I saw it and froze. A gleaming black pistol was pointing at me.
The scratchy voice went.
“You better turn back inside before I blow out your brains!”
Jesus Christ!
I didn’t need another prompting. I quickly turned on my heels and led the entourage back into the house.
As we entered the sitting room, there was my uncle(My mum’s youngest brother who was visiting) peeping out of the window. He immediately turned towards us as we entered. The man who was behind us with the gun now barked “LIE DOWN ALL OF YOU!”
My uncle was the first to hit the floor. Now, Where are the men when you need them to be macho? lol!
Anyway, we all prostrated on the floor. He barked again.
“HIDE YOUR FACE, I NO WANT SEE ANY BODY EYES O!” I sneaked a look up. That was when I noticed that he had one eye. He really looked frightening!

That same moment, my mum was led into the sitting room by the other two men she was standing with earlier. They had gotten tired of waiting on the front porch and decided to come in through the back. There was another man too with them. Now they numbered four.

They pushed my mum to the floor as the one who appeared to be their leader asked.
“WEY THE HEAD OF THIS HOUSE?”
My mum replied.
“He is not at home”
“MADAM, YOU THINK SAY WE DEY PLAY? I SAY WEY THE HEAD OF THIS HOUSE??”
One of the men now pulled up my uncle from the ground.
“NA YOU BE THE HEAD OF THIS HOUSE ABI?”
My uncle was shaking terribly. He looked like he was going to piss in his pants any minute.
“No be me o! Abeg no be me…I be visitor”
“I SAY NA YOU GET THIS HOUSE! OYA IF YOU SAY NO BE YOU, WHERE THE PERSON DEY?”
I swear, if my mum didn’t cut in at that point my uncle would have blurted out that my dad was home. So she quickly butted in.
“Oga I don tell you say the person no dey house. Anything you want, we go give you abeg “
Their leader seemed to believe her so he signaled the other guy to leave my uncle who appeared very relieved as he quickly lay down on the floor again.

By now one of them led my youngest brother into the sitting room. He had been sleeping and still had that sleepy look about him. I didn’t think he fully realized what was going on.
One of them asked him.
“Where is your daddy’s room? Oya carry us go there”
My brother led him out. After a few minutes I could hear the banging on my dad’s door. The man was shouting.
“OPEN THIS DOOR OR I BREAK IT DOWN!!”
I wondered if my dad would open the door.
After another few minutes, they came back in. My brother and the man in tow. It looked like he finally accepted that my dad wasn’t home.
Then the one who looked like the leader barked at my mum.
“OYA WOMAN, WHERE IS THE ONE MILLION DOLLARS??”
I thought to myself.
How the hell did this devils think we had one million dollars in this house?? One million dollars?? Not even One million naira!
“ Please, we don’t have one million dollars in this house o!’ My mum pleaded.

“WOMAN YOU THINK SAY WE COME HERE TO PLAY ENH? AS YOU SEE US SO…NA REAL BUSINESS WE COME FOR O…THE PERSON WEY SEND US SAY WE FIT KPAI(kill) ANYBODY WEY WE WANT O…SO MAKE UNA JUST CO-OPERATE WIT US IF UNA NO WANT DIE. I SAY GO BRING THE ONE MILLION DOLLARS”

I wondered if we really had that kind of money in the house. Was there something I didn’t know?
My mum kept insisting there was no such money in the house and the men got more furious. The leader then hit her with the butt of the gun he was holding. I saw blood run down my mother’s head. The anger and fear I felt was incomprehensible, I trembled.
Then he pulled up my second brother. The one I was supposed to be writing JAMB with. The clock in the sitting room chimed almost at the same time. 7.30am! The devils had been around for 1 hour now.

He pointed his gun at my brother’s head and turned to my bleeding mum.
“AT THE COUNT OF 5, IF YOU NO BRING OUT THE ONE MILLION DOLLARS, I GO SHOOT DIS BOY…ONE..”
The man looked like he didn’t much prompting to kill.
My mum was crying now as she said “Please don’t kill him, we don’t have one million dollars but I’ll give you every thing we have…come follow me”
She got up and they filed out. The leader with his gun still pointed at my brother and another one of the robbers. They headed for my mum’s room.

We were left lying on the sitting room floor with the two other thieves. The one-eyed guy and another one who was bent on picking every thing he laid his eyes on. He had a big bag which he was throwing things into. He threw in the VCD remote control. As he made to throw the VCD player in, Mr. One eye who obviously was not in agreement with his colleague’s petty thievery stopped him.
“E never do?? Leave all those things jare…no be wetin we come for!”
I guessed he didn’t want to carry excess baggage. All he was interested in was the One Million dollars.
The other guy dropped the VCD player but he didn’t return the remote control. Idiot! Because of him, we didn’t have a remote control for that VCD after that day. Soon after, Mr. Petty Thief stepped out of the sitting room. He probably went to ransack our rooms and bags cos we later found out when they left that our things had been turned upside down, my cousin’s salary had been stolen, some of my brothers’ trousers and shirts were also missing.

So we lay there listening to the sounds and noise coming from the direction of my mum’s room. By the way, I was still clad in my towel and my cousin had this see through nightgown on. I wondered who looked more tempting (motivation to rape) to the robbers between the both of us. Thankfully, that was not part of their agenda cos they didn’t even seem to notice our semi nude outfits.
Occasionally we would raise our heads but there was always a ready kick to the head from Mr. One eye who stood guard over us.
After what seemed like a life time, they came back to the sitting room. My mum, my brother, and our masters-the armed robbers. One of them was carrying a travelling bag-my uncles’. That bag contained money…raw cash. It wasn’t one million dollars but it was a lot of money in naira. My uncle was a business man based in the east and was supposed to be traveling out of the country the next day for business. The money in the bag was to be changed to foreign currency later on in the day.
Till today, I still think those guys were tipped off by someone or maybe they trailed my uncle to our house.

As they came into the sitting room. The one who had been with us- Mr. One eye asked their leader.
“Una don get the dough?”
The leader opened the bag. It was filled with naira notes and the demented man said.
“This one na paper full am o!”
Imagine! Calling someone’s hard earned sweat, paper! I was disgusted.
The clock chimed 8am.
They had been here for an hour, 30 minutes now.
I looked at my mum. Her top was soaked with blood. The blood on her head seemed to have congealed; it wasn’t running down her head like before…thank God!

They hadn’t gotten One million dollars but they had gotten something and I guess they realized that was all they were getting so they bundled us all into the kitchen and locked us inside.
They also locked the main door from outside so there was no way for us to get out and they left.
My dad later opened the kitchen door and let us out. My mum was quickly rushed to the hospital and my brother and I had to hurry off to our JAMB exam venues.
We arrived late like halfway into the examination. I was mentally disorganized; I couldn’t concentrate on the paper in front of me. The events of that morning kept playing over and over in my mind. I was worried about my mum and wondered if she was okay. Everything was just crazy!
It was a surprise that I made a good result-far above the cut off mark.
Maybe God wanted to compensate me for the trauma I had passed through.

I pray we (me and you reading) never have to go through that kind of experience in our lives in Jesus’ name, Amen.

"All correct Sir!"

When you’re ‘all correct’, you become confident. You are not scared that you might fall short of any standards because you know that you have fulfilled all necessary obligations.

Am sure you all are wondering what this babe is rambling about.

Will get to it in a minute.

Picture this.
You are a student in a school and you need to have certain requirements before yon can receive lectures. For instance, a particular lecturer insists that every student must buy his ‘handouts’(you know how some lecturers put together some notes, photocopy them, call them handouts and insist you buy then at exorbitant prices) before you can sit in his class for lectures. Unfortunately your ass is broke and you can’t afford the ‘handouts’ at the time but you desperately want to receive lectures. So you sneak into the classroom and pray Mr. Lecturer doesn’t notice you and ask for your copy of the handout. Even when you need to ask a question during the lecture, you can’t because you are not ‘all correct’!

Or let’s try this other scenario.

You are a driver in Lagos and FRSC(FEDERAL ROAD SAFETY COMMISION) laws say that you must have a fire estinguisher, C-caution sign and a valid driver’s licence before you can drive your car in the city.
You don’t not have the requirements above but you still need to drive somewhere so you get into your car praying you don’t run into any Road Safety official on your way.
Sometimes you are lucky and you don’t or you pass by them and they don’t bother to stop you for their normal ‘checks’.
Other times, you ain’t so lucky and you run into them. They stop you and you get booked for being a defaulter-you may have to eventually pay like 5 times the price for those items you don’t have. Its either that or you decide to beg, flash your super white ‘32’(teeth) and toast(flatter) the officer if he/she is of the opposite sex.

“Officer, haba…take am easy na. Na forget I forget am for house(lol! Forget ko!), abeg mercy for me…see as you fine…people wey fine like you no suppose vex na…you resemble Ramsey Noah o…na your brother?....officer…oya smile na…”

LOl! See toasting!
Even when its obvious that the FRSC Officer looks like a direct descendant of the baboon, you’ll still call him ‘fine boy’ all so that he can let you go.
Sorry for you if the guy decides to believe your psyching and even begin to nurse the notion that you just may be interested in him as per ‘fine boy no pimples’ wey him be na,lol! So he asks for your phone number and God help you if you refuse to give it to him. Don’t even think of giving a fake number cos he is going to call the number right there on the spot unless of course you have a good lie to back it up.

Anyway, the point am trying to make here is that you have to endure all the wahala just because you were not ‘all correct’. You get the point now? Things would definitely have been different if your game was tight and you had all the required items.

Okay to the main gist of the day.

I have been an actor in that second scenario a couple of times,lol!
I had my C-caution sign, my driver’s licence but no Fire estinguisher. I think it was just plain ol’ laziness on my part cos I just kept saying-tomorrow, tomorrow…I’ll get it but would forget only to remember as soon as I saw the familiar brown uniformed guys a few metres ahead. Then I’ll have to go through the usual flashing my ‘31’( my teeth are not up to 32, am I normal peeps?) and toasting the officer. Unfortunately if it was a female officer, then I’ll have to think up more tactics to get out of the situation, trust me…smiling and toasting from a female don’t work with the female officers. I may get lucky and she calls her superior officer who is usually a male, so I unleash my charms on him and in a few minutes am off on my way again with the smile on my face and the scrowl on hers(the female officer).

“Am sorry lady but my charms are very effective,lol!”

Anyway, I soon got tired of playing those games with the officers and got me a nice looking fire extinguisher. Guess what guys? Since una sister buy fire extinguisher, I haven’t been stopped by any FRSC officer o! See devil! When I didn’t have a fire extinguisher, I was stopped at every turn by the FRSC people but now I have gone and got me a really fine fire extinguisher, dem no gree stop me again …mshew …nonsense and fried chicken!

But on my way to work yesterday morning, I finally got stopped.
There I was jejely driving my small hummer(lol) when this man in brown uniform just jumped into the road in front of me motioning for me to “Park!’
First of all I was not mildly pissed at the abrupt way he stopped me and I was ready to tell him my mind. I wouldn’t have been able to if it was when I wasn’t ‘all correct’ sha.
So I parked like the nice lady that I am, wound down the glass and stared him in the face and reprimanded him.
“Why did you have to stop me so abruptly, you know you could have caused an accident?”
He quickly apologized with this smug smile on his face that said:
“Abeg leave that one and show me wetin I want see…I sure say you no go get dem…by then we go know who go dey say sorry”
I understood the look and was pleased cos I was going to burst his bubble.

“Your driver’s license madam?”

I fumbled in my bag for a while. He still had the smug look on his face. He was probably thinking I didn’t have my license and was just killing time. I got it out finally and surrendered it to him. After looking at it intently like he was trying to determine if it was really my pic on the license, he went on.

‘Your Fire Extinguisher and C-caution ma?

The time was finally here. I was going to show my fire extinguisher to an FRSC officer for the first time…what a thrill,lol!

So I got down from the car. Showed off my fine legs first( even though he hadn’t asked to see that:)), then I lifted the trunk and got out my ‘fine’ fire extinguisher. I gave it to him proudly.
He opened the pack probably wishing in his heart it was one of ‘em fake extinguisher but na…sorry dude! mine was really cool as he soon discovered, he even nodded his head as he put it back into the pack.
I gave him the C-caution too.

As I walked back into my car, I was the one with the smug look on my face...I was ‘all correct’!

Ps: I really missed you all. I had to take some time off bloggimg to concentrate on some other issues although I still made out time to visit some blogs.
You’ll be seeing more of me, I promise you guys.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU AFROBABE.