Road Rant!

I am in the mood for some ranting so bear with me.

What’s up with inconsiderate, selfish, bordering on the wicked drivers? Yes I know you have got some where to go but so do I!!! What makes you think you are the only one who is late for an appointment or who needs to get home quickly because you need to poopoo??
And you who like to overtake without glancing in your rear mirror to see if any car is coming behind you, you berra take your time o! You are not just risking your life but the life of other road users ASSHOLE!

*Danfo driver, am also warning you o. I know your bus is all scratched up and dented but you don’t have to dent mine too, do you? It’s not even your bus sef that’s why you drive like someone who’s high on *gbana. See me o…I no want wahala, if you scratch my motor, you go pay, chikena!’

Ehen, Tanker driver abi na Trailer sef, some people dey call you hired killer, me I no send you at all. You think say because you dey drive heavy duty moto, dat one give you the right to dey march throttle without brake? Stay one side jare, make we wey dey drive small moto see road pass. No dey take ur big trailer intimidate us, in fact if I had my way you will only be allowed to drive at night and not during the day. You people have become a nuisance on our roads, breaking down at the wrongest places and causing traffic up and down. The other day, it took me three whole hours to get to work just because one of you broke down as usual in the middle of the highway. Take time o…take time!

I won’t forget you siren blower! Yes we know say you sabi blow siren well well, paaa…puuu…paaa…puuu, we don see you politician!
Because say my papa no be presido abi no guv’nor, na im make you dey oppress me abi? No worry, just dey pray and fast say make I no become presido or guv’nor because the first thing wey I go do na to ban the use of siren for this obodo Nigeria.
People go dey sweat for traffic and you go come use your siren and pilot cars dey meander for traffic. When you scratch poor people like me dem motor, you no dey even stop to say sorry. If person no gree clear for road for you, na to bring out koboko begin flog the person like say na you born am. Take time o…I dey draw my ear o, take am for ya time!

*Okada driver! I hail you o!
I don’t even know how to start your matter. I know say you get spare life for house, me I no get o! If your frustration don too much and you want commit suicide, abeg please go to your village, find one strong better rope and one strong tree, do your thing for there. No come dey find person wey you go die put for im neck. I never kill person before and I no go kill. If you jump for front of my motor with your Okada, I go march brake one time. Wetin go make me vex na if you scratch my headlamp, my bumper or my motor. Na that time you go know say person wey cool, no be say im no sabi craze, na say the thing wey go make am craze never come.
I see your body, na so so wound full am, yet you never learn your lesson. That ur friend wey dey drive Okada with you before, where im dey now? Still you never learn your lesson. I no dey pity you o, na the innocent person wey you carry on top your okada I dey pity. Well, im too get small blame, he see as you dey drive like person wey don ‘kolo’, still yet e siddon like say them superglue am for the seat. When *kasala go burst make e no kuku complain sha.

Expressway crosser wey like to dey cross road even when pedestrian bridge dey by your side. They say a word is enough for the wise so I won’t waste my saliva on you. If you wan run marathon, go and join Glo marathon, don’t come and be crossing express and be risking your life for nothing.
It will take more time and strength to climb the bridge I know but is your life not worth it? Stay alive not for your sake but the sake of your loved ones, they still need you around!

I don talk my own sha, I dey come back!


*gbana-Indian hemp, *kasala- Trouble, Okada-Motorcycle, *Danfo-Bus