Thursday, May 22, 2008

Road Rant!

I am in the mood for some ranting so bear with me.

What’s up with inconsiderate, selfish, bordering on the wicked drivers? Yes I know you have got some where to go but so do I!!! What makes you think you are the only one who is late for an appointment or who needs to get home quickly because you need to poopoo??
And you who like to overtake without glancing in your rear mirror to see if any car is coming behind you, you berra take your time o! You are not just risking your life but the life of other road users ASSHOLE!

*Danfo driver, am also warning you o. I know your bus is all scratched up and dented but you don’t have to dent mine too, do you? It’s not even your bus sef that’s why you drive like someone who’s high on *gbana. See me o…I no want wahala, if you scratch my motor, you go pay, chikena!’

Ehen, Tanker driver abi na Trailer sef, some people dey call you hired killer, me I no send you at all. You think say because you dey drive heavy duty moto, dat one give you the right to dey march throttle without brake? Stay one side jare, make we wey dey drive small moto see road pass. No dey take ur big trailer intimidate us, in fact if I had my way you will only be allowed to drive at night and not during the day. You people have become a nuisance on our roads, breaking down at the wrongest places and causing traffic up and down. The other day, it took me three whole hours to get to work just because one of you broke down as usual in the middle of the highway. Take time o…take time!

I won’t forget you siren blower! Yes we know say you sabi blow siren well well, paaa…puuu…paaa…puuu, we don see you politician!
Because say my papa no be presido abi no guv’nor, na im make you dey oppress me abi? No worry, just dey pray and fast say make I no become presido or guv’nor because the first thing wey I go do na to ban the use of siren for this obodo Nigeria.
People go dey sweat for traffic and you go come use your siren and pilot cars dey meander for traffic. When you scratch poor people like me dem motor, you no dey even stop to say sorry. If person no gree clear for road for you, na to bring out koboko begin flog the person like say na you born am. Take time o…I dey draw my ear o, take am for ya time!

*Okada driver! I hail you o!
I don’t even know how to start your matter. I know say you get spare life for house, me I no get o! If your frustration don too much and you want commit suicide, abeg please go to your village, find one strong better rope and one strong tree, do your thing for there. No come dey find person wey you go die put for im neck. I never kill person before and I no go kill. If you jump for front of my motor with your Okada, I go march brake one time. Wetin go make me vex na if you scratch my headlamp, my bumper or my motor. Na that time you go know say person wey cool, no be say im no sabi craze, na say the thing wey go make am craze never come.
I see your body, na so so wound full am, yet you never learn your lesson. That ur friend wey dey drive Okada with you before, where im dey now? Still you never learn your lesson. I no dey pity you o, na the innocent person wey you carry on top your okada I dey pity. Well, im too get small blame, he see as you dey drive like person wey don ‘kolo’, still yet e siddon like say them superglue am for the seat. When *kasala go burst make e no kuku complain sha.

Expressway crosser wey like to dey cross road even when pedestrian bridge dey by your side. They say a word is enough for the wise so I won’t waste my saliva on you. If you wan run marathon, go and join Glo marathon, don’t come and be crossing express and be risking your life for nothing.
It will take more time and strength to climb the bridge I know but is your life not worth it? Stay alive not for your sake but the sake of your loved ones, they still need you around!

I don talk my own sha, I dey come back!


*gbana-Indian hemp, *kasala- Trouble, Okada-Motorcycle, *Danfo-Bus

55 comments:

darkelcee said...

Taking my position

darkelcee said...

Pele dear, i feel you on this.

You need to see the kind of stunts these trailers pull in Apapa.
You will be afraid using the same road with them.
One fell off the bridge sometimes ago, another Slept across the road completely with all the 16 tyres waving at God!
I no dey send them again as God is still on my side

Mommy said...

Take it easy gurl...DOn't tell me someone bashed your car today? Darkelcee...one comment don do now.

Ollay said...

Lol...am so cracking a rib right now. I think drivers in lagos are pros...I wonder how am gonna cope when I move back. Ndo, it is well.

princesa said...

@darkel, a big hug for coming first consecutively.
Those trailer stunts dey vex me no be small thing.God is on our side jare.

@mommy, abeg leave darkel o, make she write 10 comments sef, space go still dey for you,lol!Sweetheart, one useless man almost bashed my car yesterday, i guess thats the cause of this post together with all my pent up anger with some other road users.

@ollay, my dear you will cope, we all do!

Naija Chickito said...

No mind them jo! The commercial drivers can be real annoying. Sometimes, I just feel like stepping out of the car and wringing some necks!
Girl, how you dey?
I'm 6th, i'm 6th!

Aijay said...

LMAO!!!
OMG, u won't believe how hard I'm laughing.
The okada rider bit cracked me up big time. "...Na that time you go know say person wey cool, no be say im no sabi craze, na say the thing wey go make am craze never come."
Abeg no craze oh! Pls take it easy with them. Jiri nwayo na nya moto gi, i nu?

wellsbaba said...

lol....ur so hilarious....okada men dey ride as if dem get spare life for house...KAI...u no go kill person oo
u talke say pedestrains make dem go join Glo marathon...lol...but d one wey I no support na d way u dey talk to trucks wey no get brake,he b lyk sey u no lyk ur life,jst let dem do want they want to do so u can live ooo...lol

Jaycee said...

LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL...

Some drivers really got on ur last nerve. Those okada drivers, people can get high blood pressure from them o. Their own wahala is EVERY DAY!!!! Forget them jare...lol.

Ooooooohhhh...pls don't overtake "tanker" drivers...just try to stay away from them...dangerous people!

*Smile*

Allied said...

lol.. very funny rant.. glad i dont have to deal with all those drivers just the "new yorkers"

Ms Sula said...

Tell 'em why you're mad, Princesa!

Lol!

Obi said...

Just thank your stars you dont regularly do t he Island/Mainland axis...those BRT bus drivers are the new menace..!!

guerreiranigeriana said...

you are hilarious!!!...this post was too much...

...a little bittersweet as naija lost i believe 48 soldiers in an automobile accident with a petrol tanker coming from the north...the number of people we lose yearly for road no be small...make una start campaign with this your post!...

bumight said...

I see some people have stepped on prisca's toes! little wonder why i have nigerianodrivingphobia!

Omosewa said...

buhahahaha u vexed patapata

lmAO @SPare life, if only

no mind dem jor!

Charizard said...

eeeeyaaa..na wa o..vex catsch u reachthis zones?

buh on the real i feel you so so so so so much on everyt single element of the lagos road..ahahan!

NikkiSab said...

Lagos and its krase!!! Everyday is a struggle to not go psycho at dese bad drivers and evil pedestrians!! Ndo!! Neva mind dem.

classybabe said...

The hassles of driving in Naija!It's no surprise i have still not tested my driving lessons so far.Driving hones cussing skills in that country

Zephi Fahrenheit said...

lmao....you had me cracking up..lmao
see road rage now...
but in naija, when someone is crossing the road, the car will immediately pick up speed to come closer to you and want to jam you...and its not that I am stroling oh, I am picking race...

when I went to naija, my parents said I could drive their car, I am like me? dont worry oh...I will enter drop or taxi...people in naija drive like mad people

Aphrodite said...

Lollllll.....
I cant help but laugh girl.

This post just expressed a lot of my sentiments.

Only God go save us for this country.

princesa said...

@naija chickito, i dey fine my sister. Do you know i almost slapped one trailer driver that wanted to push me and my car into a ditch. I just had to control my anger.

@aijay, nnem a nu go m o! Thank God you are back finally, dont mind all those annoying road users.

@wellsbaba, me i dey leave them o when i see say them don beat me and no way again except person want peme,lol!
Na true i talk about Okada riders na!

@jaycee, lol! I dont overtake trailers o, who dash me liver? I just dey talk:)

@allied, lol! glad you dont have to my dear.

@ms.sula, na im i dey tell them o!

@obi, oh yea? seriously...are they worse than the trailers/trucks?? Thank God o!

@g.naija, i heard o! the thing pain me no be small and you know the most painful part is most of these deaths are avoidable if only people can be more patient.

@bumight, they not only stepped on my toes, they crushed 'em!



@

princesa said...

@omosewa, patapata o!

@charizard, na so the vex catch me reach o!

@nikkisab, God no go let us go psycho o...ther are enough psychos on the road already,lol!

@classybabe, can you run away from it? you'll have to eventually. meanwhile where have you been?!

@zephi, i agree some drivers can be really impatient but i dont support pedestrians that cross the road when there is a bridge nearby.

@aphrodite, na God go save us my dear, how far with ur dilemma?

fantasy queen said...

only in lagos would you see all categories you mention and more...
driving in lagos is like having a play date in a phyco ward.
good thing is in no time we the cool drivers turn phyco too...

Atutupoyoyo said...

This is one of the funniest posts I have read in a long time. I feel your frustration my sista but I could not help laughing particularly with the way you were switching to pidgin.

You don describe all manner of road pest wey dey that our country especially Lagos. In fact na lie, more dey but them dey too many to mention.

A great post P.

desperate lady said...

ROTFLMAO....OMG girl u sound sooooo hood i tell ya......take it easy hun.

Babawilly said...

never easy on the road. Take am easy

AlooFar said...

Take it easy...
Maybe u should send this to The Danfo Association of Nigeria ;)

Hi

exschoolnerd said...

i feel ur fustration o jare....i haven't started driving but i hope to soon and i dread all these pipo wey u don list...especially okada pip..me wey get temper...i fit go do the thing wey i go regret...

soupasexy said...

ha ha ha nice one!
pele dear, dem naija drivers de crazy.

LG said...

lol@.....paaa…puuu…paaa…puuu

prisco, everything u talk na true o, na only God dey protect us o.

how body?
Gunners 4 life

anonymous gal said...

At abuja they hv started floggin and frog jumpin the pedestrains who dont use the bridge, but why dont they?\

lol funy post. and yes hv updated

princesa said...

@FT, i should think thats' a bad thing, us turning psycho,lol!

@atutu, lol! Glad it made you laugh altho that wasnt the original idea.

@DL, so you no know say i be hood babe?lol!

@babawilly, thanks my bro.

@aloofar, only danfo association??

@exchoolnerd, my dear you go need plenty patience sha.

@soupa, thanks dear.

@lg, na only God my sista. I dey fine o...how u dey? Gunners 4 life!

@anon gal, my dear all those tactics dem don try am for lag o. Even taking them to check their mental state and extorting money from defaulters but trust nigerians and stubborn head,lol!
Will check ur blog soon.

30+ said...

"Person wey cool no be say he no
sabi craze"

Princessa you wan take laff kill me abeg.

You people Princessa don talk him own o.

TaureanMinx said...

Lol!!!

Free-flowing Florida said...

i can't drive, but god knows there r times i nearly go crazy wit d things pple do on d road, it's sheer madness

AN IBO DUDE'S CORNER said...

this ur ranting pass vex ooo

Please, forgive that person that annoyed and is making you let of this steam.

No mind them(somehow i think u r partially reffering to me too cos i commit some of dem crimes u mentioned...not intentionally though)

badderchic said...

I dey o! my sister, I kuku know what your talkin about my biggest road fantasy is to give an okada rider a 360degree slap. Lagos drivers/riders huhn.

yes o! i dey holla t ya girl jo

A Kel called Wonder ...... said...

Lol those Okadas are so annoying. I am a driver now Princesa and i can't stand them.

A Kel called Wonder ...... said...

Lol those Okadas are so annoying. I am a driver now Princesa and i can't stand them.

princesa said...

@30+, i no go kill you my sister. how is the birthday girl?

@tminx,been a while o

@florida, i dont know if its the frustration in this naija dats is causing the madness,lol!

@anibldude, which one u dey commit? I sure say u follow for those impatient drvers,lol!

@badderchic, lol@360 degree slap!

@a kel, welcome to Lagos driving my sister.

Afrobabe said...

I feel u jare...yeye ppl...particularly hate the okadas and danfo drivers the most...

Andy said...

Now that's some heavy road rage!

Smaragd said...

*shaking with laughter*

Princessa,very good one!

i dread the time i start driving already and it will be very soon o.

i can only say even Grand Theft Auto doesnt prep anyone for lagos driving at all...lol

Aphrodite said...

I updated o

Naija Idol said...

LMAO. u can tell this is lagos for sure. my first time here. really nice.

Rinsola said...

LOL, okada drivers thinking they have spare lives.No mind them jare. Can u please update and don't be like us that updates once a week. How u dey ?

La Reine said...

Everyone seems to think they own the road, right?
Crazy people....

Ollay said...

Are you still ranting at other road users, is that why you never update?

princesa said...

@afrobabe,me too.
@andy, yea really heavy
@smaragd, yea nothing prepares you for the reckless driving
@aphrodite, okay dear
@naijaidol, thanks
@rinsola, updating soon.
@la reine, crazy...
@ollay, no mind me jare, am updating in a few minute, check back soon babes.

Pink-satin said...

darkelcee stop stalking!!
driviing in 9ja must be hell

Calabar Gal said...

Cool down Princess, cool down....

princesa said...

@pink-satin, yea it could be hell.
@calabargal, lol! cooled down already babes.

the genius within said...

LOL...one sec

.........LOL.......

ok i'm better now...

..LOL......

..LOL....trust me not having a car can be worse...u'd persevere cos we're unique...


LOL

shalewa said...

all you tankers,okada drivers and siren people,don't annoy princesa oh.she will soon kill one of you.lol
this post was funny-okada man with spare life-lol.Nice post.I think with fashola's plan of a rail system,there should be less traffice on lagos roads.Lets hope the project comes through.

princesa said...

@genius, i used to not have a car so how i know how bad it can be.

@shalewa, i hope so too.