R.I.P BULLDOG

It’s been 5 days now since I saw you last.
Since I saw you wag your brown tail
Since you looked at me with those dopey eyes
Since I heard your familiar bark
Since I last fed you and heard you say “woof” in thanks

I miss you Bullus, I miss you plenty
I miss the way you run to greet me every evening I come home
I miss the way you would run round my car till I opened the door
I miss the way you would try to jump on me and I’d scream
“Don’t! You are smelling!”

You were old, more than eight years old
I remember that day you were born
A brown and black lively puppy you were
Oh! How you loved to run and play
Tugging and tearing at everything in your way

A fierce dog in your youth, you were
No stranger dared cross your path
More than one has a story to tell
Of the big brown dog that lived at No. 13
Even I who loved you and who you loved
Bear the scar of your fierceness on me

Greedy, greedy dog you were
One language you understood perfectly was food
One bone in your mouth, another between your paws
Sharing with Sherri was out of the question
Only when it was heat time did you remember she was female

A stronger dog than you we never had
You fathered so many puppies
I‘d wonder “What a randy dog!”
Climbing his mama and sister
And making them mothers at the same time

Older you grew and gentler you became
You lost your bite but still had the bark
You still struck terror in the minds of those who saw you
Your imposing size belied your failing strength
The slowness of your sprint showed that you had changed

It only got worse
With age came more illnesses,
Diarrhea and skin infections
The Vet was happy, he was making a lot of money
You had to go, you had become a liability
Dad said this over and over
I just didn’t know it would be very soon

Friday night, I came back
No Bullus to welcome me home
No Bullus to wag his tail
No Bullus to piss on my car tyres
You were gone, sold out for N1500
I could have offered more for you buddy
But no one would accept it from me

They say the man who bought you loves dog meat stew
They say he had you for dinner Friday night
I hear, you were tender and delicious
It’s not fair, not fair at all
My darling Bullus became food for a ravenous Calabar man

Can you ever forgive us?
Forgive dad for selling you for a paltry sum to Mr. Calabar?
Forgive me for not being able to stop him?
Forgive Mr. Calabar for craving Dog meat instead of Beef or chicken?

I know not where you are now
But I hope it’s a better place
A dog heaven where you can eat all the bones you want
and shag all the females you like.

Rest in peace, Bulldog (aka Bullus)

ps: Thats Bull's pic above. Cute dog, wasn't he?

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Road Rant!

I am in the mood for some ranting so bear with me.

What’s up with inconsiderate, selfish, bordering on the wicked drivers? Yes I know you have got some where to go but so do I!!! What makes you think you are the only one who is late for an appointment or who needs to get home quickly because you need to poopoo??
And you who like to overtake without glancing in your rear mirror to see if any car is coming behind you, you berra take your time o! You are not just risking your life but the life of other road users ASSHOLE!

*Danfo driver, am also warning you o. I know your bus is all scratched up and dented but you don’t have to dent mine too, do you? It’s not even your bus sef that’s why you drive like someone who’s high on *gbana. See me o…I no want wahala, if you scratch my motor, you go pay, chikena!’

Ehen, Tanker driver abi na Trailer sef, some people dey call you hired killer, me I no send you at all. You think say because you dey drive heavy duty moto, dat one give you the right to dey march throttle without brake? Stay one side jare, make we wey dey drive small moto see road pass. No dey take ur big trailer intimidate us, in fact if I had my way you will only be allowed to drive at night and not during the day. You people have become a nuisance on our roads, breaking down at the wrongest places and causing traffic up and down. The other day, it took me three whole hours to get to work just because one of you broke down as usual in the middle of the highway. Take time o…take time!

I won’t forget you siren blower! Yes we know say you sabi blow siren well well, paaa…puuu…paaa…puuu, we don see you politician!
Because say my papa no be presido abi no guv’nor, na im make you dey oppress me abi? No worry, just dey pray and fast say make I no become presido or guv’nor because the first thing wey I go do na to ban the use of siren for this obodo Nigeria.
People go dey sweat for traffic and you go come use your siren and pilot cars dey meander for traffic. When you scratch poor people like me dem motor, you no dey even stop to say sorry. If person no gree clear for road for you, na to bring out koboko begin flog the person like say na you born am. Take time o…I dey draw my ear o, take am for ya time!

*Okada driver! I hail you o!
I don’t even know how to start your matter. I know say you get spare life for house, me I no get o! If your frustration don too much and you want commit suicide, abeg please go to your village, find one strong better rope and one strong tree, do your thing for there. No come dey find person wey you go die put for im neck. I never kill person before and I no go kill. If you jump for front of my motor with your Okada, I go march brake one time. Wetin go make me vex na if you scratch my headlamp, my bumper or my motor. Na that time you go know say person wey cool, no be say im no sabi craze, na say the thing wey go make am craze never come.
I see your body, na so so wound full am, yet you never learn your lesson. That ur friend wey dey drive Okada with you before, where im dey now? Still you never learn your lesson. I no dey pity you o, na the innocent person wey you carry on top your okada I dey pity. Well, im too get small blame, he see as you dey drive like person wey don ‘kolo’, still yet e siddon like say them superglue am for the seat. When *kasala go burst make e no kuku complain sha.

Expressway crosser wey like to dey cross road even when pedestrian bridge dey by your side. They say a word is enough for the wise so I won’t waste my saliva on you. If you wan run marathon, go and join Glo marathon, don’t come and be crossing express and be risking your life for nothing.
It will take more time and strength to climb the bridge I know but is your life not worth it? Stay alive not for your sake but the sake of your loved ones, they still need you around!

I don talk my own sha, I dey come back!


*gbana-Indian hemp, *kasala- Trouble, Okada-Motorcycle, *Danfo-Bus

AFFIRMATION

I love SAVAGEGARDEN and one of their albums I really like is “AFFIRMATION”. Most mornings on my way to work, I listen to the album and it helps set the mood for my day.
The first song in the album-Affirmation, from which the album gets its name is one of my favs. The lyrics of the song makes a lot of sense though I don’t agree with all the beliefs.

Here are the lyrics of the song. I’ll like to know which you agree with and those you don’t.

AFFIRMATION

I believe the sun should never set upon an argument

I believe we place our happiness in other people's hands

I believe that junk food tastes so good because it's bad for you

I believe your parents did the best job they knew how to do

I believe that beauty magazines promote low self-esteem

I believe I'm loved when I'm completely by myself alone

I believe in karma what you give is what you get returned

I believe you can't appreciate real love till you've been burned

I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side

I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

I believe you can't control or choose your sexuality

I believe that trust is more important than monogamy

I believe your most attractive features are your heart and soul

I believe that family is worth more than money or gold

I believe the struggle for financial freedom is unfair

I believe the only ones who disagree are millionaires

I believe in karma what you give is what you get returned

I believe you can't appreciate real love till you've been burned

I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side

I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

I believe forgiveness is the key to your unhappiness

I believe that wedded bliss negates the need to be undressed

I believe that God does not endorse TV evangelists

I believe in love surviving death into eternity

I believe in karma what you give is what you get returned

I believe you can't appreciate real love till you've been burned

I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side

I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

One hot night at Oshodi

It was a hot night and I was dead beat from a hectic day at work. Driving in traffic without air-conditioning didn’t make it any better too. I made a mental note to call my AC guy the following day to come check out what the problem was with the air-conditioning.

As we crawled in traffic, my mind drifted to other things. The clients I needed to call, the television and radio scripts I had to write, what I would have for dinner, blogs I was yet to read and so on.

The raspy voice broke into my thoughts and returned me to the present.
“Aunty find us something…”
I looked up to stare into the face of this rough looking young man, obviously a ‘Lagos area boy’. I quickly took in my environment and realised I was on top of Oshodi bridge(a place notorious for its area boys and thieves). When did we reach Oshodi? I thought.

My windows were wound down because of the bad air-conditioning and the tout was leaning against it almost breathing into my face.
“Äunty I say find us something…”
He wasn’t pleading. He was commanding me. I understood the situation perfectly. I had come in contact with his kind before and have also heard the experiences of others who have too. I knew it was only a matter of moments before he became even more aggressive. It was their style-obtaining by force!

Naturally, the first thought that came to mind was…girl, wound up the window quickly!
But then the young man was already leaning against the half open window and It wouldn’t be hard for him to stop the upward movement of the glass if I tried. I also remembered the gist Osi gave me about how during a similar encounter with these touts, she had succeeded in wounding up her windows only for them to smash the windows with a huge stone and finally make away with her bags and all the jewellery she had on while other road users looked on. Who would butt in ke? Everyone was scared for their own life!

I thought fast…what do I do now?

Just then another even rougher looking guy joined our mini- party. The both of them were obviously part of the same gang of ‘obtaining by force’ thieves.
“Mama…drop something for boys” Who be ur mama, devil punish you!
He even sounded less persuasive than the first guy.
“Calm down princesa”, I told myself. I couldn’t let them know how scared I was. That was the first rule- never show the enemy you are afraid- So, turning to the them with a fake smile plastered on, I said. “Ha...una come for wrong time o…no money dey now…next time abeg…”
Area boy 1 quickly retorted.
“Aunty find us something…abi you want make we show ourselves”
He moved his hands towards his waist.
Show ourselves?? Whatever did he mean by that? I didn’t want to find out o. I looked ahead, the damned traffic was not moving! I had to give them something but that would mean bringing up my bag and wont that be like the biggest mistake I could make? They were so close, all they would need to do would be to reach into my car and grab the bag with all its contents. Why wait for mere crumbs when they could have the whole loaf? That’s usually the way they reasoned. My bag was better left on the floor where it was safely hidden from their view.

My hands went to my pigeon-hole. I always kept spare change for the beggars in there.
I brought out the first note I felt in there, not even looking to see how much it was and handed it to the first guy.
He quickly grabbed it and peered at it.
“10 naira?!! This woman think say we dey play for here o” he said to his partner.
"Na 10 naira you dey give us enh?" He flung the N10 note at my face.
I picked up the money still smiling my fake smile.
Abeg manage am na…na wetin I get be dat”

From the corner of my eye, i could see the traffic had started moving, the car in front of me was moving ahead. Should I move the car, I thought. It would only be for a few metres and then they would catch up with me again, what then?
I was still holding my miserable looking N10 note and the area boys had this angry looks on their faces. This was the time when they are supposed to bring out the gun hidden under their belt or the knife in their pocket. Wasn’t it?

Paan…Paan…Paaaaaaaann!!!
The bus driver behind me was blaring his horn. He shouted something. It sounded like “Move now!!”
The boys looked startled. Exchanging a brief look, they moved. They moved away!
I couldn’t believe my luck. Quickly I put the car in gear, glancing in the side mirrors to see if they were gone for real. They were. I drove on murmuring thanks to my God and the driver behind me.

The windows were wound up now, I was hot yes but relieved. Tomorrow the A.C had to be fixed!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Someone sent this in my face book inbox today.
"Love,please watsup love, i found you, you are my love i wish to have you as soon as possible, am dying in e call me (insert phone number) then you il make my dream come tru ;lol.but if you dont..........il'l break ya bone"

He probably thought it was funny...that last part about breaking my bone. i didn't find it funny at all. Which kain toasting be dat one??
Nonsense!

Another thing o
Visiting my facebook today, i was surprised to see so many strange things like...
princesa has added so and so as friends or princesa has joined so and so group.
My people, shock catch me o. Some of these people added as friends,i didnt even know!
I checked the time i was supposed to have done those things-9am.
9am i wasnt even online!
na wa o...does anyone understand this?
Pls i need some sort of explanation! I hope someone is not assessing my account o!
Nothing wey no fit happen for internet.

Quirk, Quirk, Quirk

I was tagged to do the ‘Six quirky things’ post by ejura, onome , florida and wellsbaba (dunno if anyone else has tagged me on this).
I have been really busy(sure u guys are tired of hearing me say this,lol!) which is why the post is coming kinda late and then I had to look up the word ‘quirky’ on google just to properly understand what it was I was supposed to write on.
According to Wikipedia...

“A quirk is an odd habit”

So I got thinking…what are my odd habits?
I came up with a few.
(Am not going to bother with putting up the rules of this tag cos am sure you all know them by heart by now seeing as almost everyone in blogville has done the tag already)

Here are some of my odd habits.


1. I find that after eating certain foods that are not easily digested like meat. I keep bringing them up from my stomach into my mouth even hours after to chew them again (you know like goats do). Gross I know! It irks me too but I can’t help it. It’s been like that since I was a kid and my younger brother also has the same habit.

2. When I lie in bed relaxing especially when am in really deep thought, my hands always stray to ‘that place’ and its not what you are thinking, dirty minds,lol! I just like pulling ‘em hair strands,lol!

3. I HATE darkness. I HATE to wake up in the middle of the night to ‘no light’ so I always make sure I have some light on somehow. You know how PHCN is now, one can never trust them so I make sure I light a lantern on standby before I sleep so when the generator is put off by midnight, the lantern will provide some light.

4. I have a crazy imagination that is even crazier when everywhere is dark(maybe that’s why I hate darkness). Its like this, my room is dark, then I catch a glimpse of my hat hanging on the wall, I start thinking-that looks like a monster’s head. Next thing I start seeing a monster’s head for real. It’s really scary…I tell you.

Why am i writing about darkness too much? maybe cos i have been chatting with darkelcee,lol!

5. When I meet people, I don’t just look at their faces or their clothes. I have this odd habit of looking at the craziest things like their nose hair or their teeth colour or their fingers or the folds on the neck. Maybe it’s the Virgo in me, I don’t know o!

I had a number six o, but I cant remember it now and I have to be somewhere right away! I’ll be back to complete this meme later.

Hoewever I tag mommy, S.chic, Charizard, anonymous gal, today’s ranting and nikkisab to tell us six quirky things about them too.

Mba nu!

Hey guys, what’s popping?!


Thanks to everyone who commented on my brother’s wedding photos. They were lovely, kind comments although I think a little partial. Come on…my dress wasn’t that fab or was it really? Don’t mind me, I know it was. Got a lot of compliments, even my cousin who always feels like no one’s got it ‘spot on’ like she does actually asked me to take her to my tailor. So I guess my tailor deserves some kudos, right?

I haven’t been able to browse blogs or post any cos my laptop went awry.
Yes, the same laptop I just got few months back and it wasn’t the laptop’s fault o…it was the fault of a colleague of mine. Friends, a piece of advice, always listen to your instincts. I didn’t listen to mine and paid the price.



Okay last week, this colleague of mine came to borrow my computer speakers. I didn’t see any need not to oblige him since I was on my way out to a meeting so I allowed him take the speakers. The next day when I got back my speakers from him, they weren’t working anymore! Guess what he said when I asked him what happened- “I don’t know o!” I was so pissed, I mean if you don’t know…who knows??
Anyway, there was nothing I could do about it, the speakers were bad and that was that. I just made a mental note to not give out my speakers to anyone again.



So fast forward to two days ago, Wednesday exactly. I was preparing to leave for a meeting again when this same colleague of mine came to ask that I leave my laptop on for him cos he really needed to look up something on the net. My head screamed-HELL NO!!! but then again, I thought to myself, what could possibly go wrong, it was just him browsing the internet abi? So I left the system on for him to use only to get back later in the day to find that my system was not booting anymore. It just wasn’t coming up!



I quickly called him-my colleague and asked what happened to my laptop. His answer? You guessed right… "I don’t know o!”

It was only after I probed further, I learnt that he didn’t shut down my system after using it. He simply closed the lid and walked away! According to him, that was the way he handled his own laptop and there hadn’t been any problem so far. Imagine!!!

Who doesn’t know that after using a computer, he/she should shut it down??
Those that just close the lid of their laptops probably have preset it to hibernate or standby or something!



Anyway, long story short, thank God for HP laptops, I was able to recover my system to the original factory condition. Fine, I lost my installed programs and some files but am grateful my system is back and running again.

I have learnt my lesson and will NEVER again lend my laptop to anybody. Once bitten(or is it twice already), forever shy!

On to other gists.
It’s funny how in the last few days, I have been getting a lot of marriage pressure especially from the oddest quarters. Is it because my eldest brother just got married, everyone thinks princesa should be giving them invitation cards to her own wedding now?

First it was my cousin who came to my office on Monday. She had only just recently got married herself; her traditional wedding was two weeks before my brother’s. So she came to my office, ranted at me for not showing up at her wedding even though I had told her earlier that I won’t be able to make it down to the east for hers. After apologizing and placating her, she finally took a seat, asked how my brother’s wedding went then it started the inquisition.

“So now Kingsley is married, when is yours coming up?”
I look at her, amazed.
This my cousin is about 5 years older than I am and she just recently got married. Was it not just a few months back that she was single, desperate and frustrated by all the pressure from family and friends??
I remember I was the one who always encouraged her and told her not to worry cos her time would soon come. Now she had joined the crew reminding me of the fact that I aint getting younger.
Perhaps she was joking, I thought so I tried to change the topic.
“So how did your wedding go? Did you come with any pics?”
“I am serious o…I know you are still young but you know you are very fast, you finished school on time, you started work on time, you drive a car and you look older than your age…” She went on.
I was flabbergasted! This is not happening. This babe was serious for real.
“Okay so what? I am not bothered girl, I’ll get married when I will maybe after your sister U gets married”
Her sister U is like two years older than me and still single. She should go bug her sister and not me! Just cos she finally got herself a husband doesn’t give her the right to become a pest in my life. Some people sef!

The next day, on my way to a meeting with my boss and another colleague. My boss brought up the same topic of marriage.
He went on about how he felt I should have had two kids by now and about how I need to make a decision and settle down with any available man(okay maybe he didn’t put it that way but he implied it)
Thank God for my colleague, who on seeing my embarrassment quickly came to my defence. He butted in that I needed to take my time and it wasn’t all about ‘how fast’ but ‘how well’.
We finally won the argument and my boss let it drop but I still have a feeling that he is going to bring it up again very soon.

Later on, during our meeting at the client’s office. Guess whose case was brought up again? Correct…moi!

One of them (my client) told my boss that he needed to give me a project deadline.
I was confused, wondering what project they were talking about until they all burst out laughing. All of them men and married laughing at poor helpless princesa, the only lady in their midst.

Another one chirped in that I should stop torturing guys and get married so they will all know that am ‘officially off the shelf’. It was funny and not funny at the same time.

I understand that they are probably all concerned about me. My cousin, My boss and My clients but hell, I need some breathing space…they should free me abeg. I am not going to say ‘yes’ to the next guy that proposes just because I am desperate to answer Mrs. Somebody.
Mba nu!(Not at all!)