When Xmas Trips were fun...

As a kid of Igbo extraction, December and Xmas meant one thing- Time to travel back home(to the Village).
It was something I and my siblings looked forward to every year. In fact the worst punishment Mumsy could give you this period was to say “You are not traveling this December!”
Everyone wanted to travel so that meant everyone had to be on their best behaviour. No fighting, no lying, no stealing meat from the soup pot,:)

What was the big deal about traveling, you wonder?
It was a mix of so many things.

It was the fun road trip where we would stop at intervals for refreshments, especially at ORE and UMUNEDE. Ah!! There was this restaurant at UMUNEDE where we usually stopped for rice and stew. As a kid, UMUNEDE rice was special!lol! The trip would never be complete without UMUNEDE rice.

And there was the usual banana and groundnuts.
Dad would buy those huge bananas at ORE and we would stuff ourselves up with the sweet fruit and groundnuts as we traveled along.

There was also the fact that we would be seeing so many of our friends, cousins, relations who we hadn’t seen in a whole year. Friendships formed the previous year would be rekindled.

Then there were the bush adventures where we would go hunting for rabbits and birds. OB, a cousin of mine who lived in the Village usually led the expeditions. He was also the hunter. His ammunition was his home-made catapult and stones. The rest of us kids were there to pick stones for OB and carry the day’s spoils home.

Some other days, we would go to the bush not to hunt but to pluck fruits. Sour sops, Oranges, pear, Guava, Mangoes, which ever was in season, we plucked! The boys climbed while the girls stayed down and picked the fruits.

We would arrive home with our baskets of fruits and the adults would praise us:
“Eeeeh…Umuazi a! Unu anwaka o!”( Eeeeh…this kids…una try o!)

These bush adventures were the highlights of our holiday. We all wanted to be with the team. We would bribe OB with biscuits and sweets just to let us tag along on the bush trips. Not even the frightening tales he told us about the old woman who ate kids in the bush or the spirit of the forest that made children disappear deterred us from going. However we made sure to stick together always. I would never be caught in front or at the back. The middle was my place. The sounds of the forest disturbed me and there was also this bird that usually made an eerie sound “Cookuu, Kuru Cookuu” Christ! That sound put the shivers in me! Then, I didn’t know it was a bird, I always thought it was the spirit of the forest,lol! It wasn’t until I was much older that I realized it was a bird.

There was also the night time story telling round the fire.
Whenever we heard the Chant: “CHAKPI!” we would shout “WOO!” as we took our spots by the fire knowing it meant only one thing-Time for storytelling! Grandma’s tales of Mr. tortoise’s adventures was always interesting and she knew how to mimic the characters in her stories.
OB also told us stories at times. His stories were usually naughty like the story of Nwagadigboro who after poooing in the bush went to clean his behind on the Ukwa tree and the Ukwa fruit fell on him and killed him. There was also the story of the lazy slave who refused to cook and after his master cooked, he had to nerve to taste the food. Of cos the master beat him with the spoon!

Another highlight of our trip would be was the Visiting relatives and friends part.
We always tagged along with Mum and Dad anytime they went out because we were sure there was definitely going to be lots of rice and chicken and coke wherever we visited. Was this not the festive season? :) :)

Fine, we had to endure, the patting on the head and exclamations of “Ahhh! See how big you have grown… very soon we will be drinking your palmwine!”

All that didn’t matter when the steaming plates of Jollof rice and bottles of Coke/Fanta were placed in front of you. Kids and food!lol!


I also remember the Moonlight dance. ‘Egwu Onwa’, we called it.
There were quite a number kids in my family- Me and my siblings, my cousins, my Grandfather’s second wife’s kids. We formed a dance group and during the day, we would practice different cultural dances. The home based kids usually did the teaching.

After days of practice, we would finally begin our ‘Egwu Onwa’. At night when the moon came up. We would go from house to house singing and dancing. The boys had the task of beating the empty tins of Bournvita with sticks to provide melody for our songs. After dancing the owners of the house would give us a little token to show appreciation. It wasn’t so much the money but the fun and excitement we got from the experience. I remember the highest amount we ever got from our Egwu Onwa was Eleven Naira (N11). Is anyone laughing? N11 wasn’t small money then in the late eighties o! At least we each got Eighty kobo each,Money for Akara and Okpa, he he he:)

So you see, there were many things that made traveling to the Villa during Xmas as a kid plenty fun. As I grew older and wiser, a lot of these things lost their appeal :(
Eating UMUNEDE rice, Bananas and groundnuts during the road trip weren’t such a big deal anymore. Bush hunting and Fruit picking lost their allure. Visiting relatives became a bore. Egwu Onwa nko? Kai! Big, fine, city girl like me? No way,lol!

Ultimately traveling to the Villa became something I stopped looking forward to especially when I grew up to marriage age and was still single. The constant barrage of questions one faced from aunts and uncles were definitely not very pleasant.
“So when are you calling us?”
“When are we drinking your wine? Our throats are parched…blab la bla”
Give me a break y’all for God’s sakes!!!


It’s Xmas period again. Will I be traveling? Yes.
Am I looking forward to it? Not really.
Do I have to? No but I have to respect my parents wish. “You need to go home more so the young men will see you. You know as the Eze's daughter you have to marry from our place” Yeah right! *Eyes rolling*

So guys, this is likely to be my last post this year. I want to wish everyone of you, My Blog Family, my Blog enemies(lol) and my anon readers(yea I know all of you) a Glorious Xmas and wonderful new year 2009.

Santa princesa is in the house with plenty goodies for everyone who has been good this year. All those who have been celibate, raise your hands, Afrobabe…come on put that hand down!lol!

BIENVENUÉ ABIDJAN

I hadn’t planned to travel to Abidjan. The plan was- take a one week trip to Ghana with a friend. The friend I was supposed to go with backed out at the last minute and I was faced with two choices-go on alone to Ghana and hope to have fun or accept another friend’s invite to Abidjan and be assured that I would definitely have loads of fun. Of course I went for the latter option, if na you nko?

So on Wednesday, 29th October, off I went to Abidjan, Cote d’ivoire.

The flight was okay except for some mild travel sickness. Unfortunately I am one of those people who suffer from that condition-Nausea and discomfort while traveling especially long distance(road) and air travel(even if it’s a 5 mins flight).

The plane had to do a stopover at Ghana so the flight took longer than usual, finally we arrived Abidjan in one piece. At the Immigrations inspection point, there was this hard faced immigrations officer checking passports. He would glance at the passports and either wave you on or ask you to step to the side. I was last in line cos I had taken my time to get down from the plane after everyone else since I was still feeling woozy and nauseous after the flight. When he got to my turn, hard faced immigration guy took one glance at the passport and waved me to the side where a group of about seven guys were already waiting. I was surprised, Imagine! Fine babe no pimples like me na im this man dey ask to wait behind ke? Oya make we dey see wetin go happen. The worst part be say if it comes to speaking french once e don pass Je m’appelle Princesa and Je suis Nigeriané, make dem just forget me o!

Fortunately, at the same moment when the immigration guy asked us to follow him, this guy surfaces from nowhere and walks up to me, “Princesa?” I nodded. He introduced himself to me in English. He worked in the airport and my friend had asked him to assist me through the customs processes cos he knew how difficult the guys could get at times. I was relieved to say the least and I asked him where we were been taken to cos by now we were been led away by the immigrations officers. He informed me that we were going to be searched and the guys were Anti-Drug officers. I asked him if I looked like a drug pusher. The guy chuckled and reassured me that it was just protocol and we would be out of there in no time.

The hard faced rummaged through my bag as if he kept something in there. In my mind, I was thinking “You go soon see the thing wey go make you blind, dey search well well” Maybe he could read my mind cos it didn’t take too long before he zipped my bag close and handed it back to me.

Outside the arrival lounge, my friend K was waiting. On our drive home, I noticed the city was clean, the roads were okay, definitely not as bad as ours here in Naija. The traffic was light and soon we were in Riviera where my friend lived.

When we got home, there was a full house waiting to receive the visitor from Nigeria. His sister-in-law had prepared a sumptuous dish of Jellof rice, Coleslaw and beef which I dug into after my shower.
I was exhausted from my trip so I hit the bed straightaway after eating.

DAY 2.
I woke up quite early. This may have been due to the fact that I had gone to bed early the previous day or maybe it was cos I was used to waking up early to go to work. Then again, it could have been because of the one-hour time difference(Nigeria is one hour ahead of Abidjan). Whatever the reason was, I was up and everyone else was still sleeping so I went to wake up my host but I got “Girl, go back to sleep okay…it’s still too early”

So although I was impatient to discover the city of Abidjan, I had to patiently wait for the others to get up so I sat in bed watching the latest on my adopted brother Barack Obama and the US elections on CNN.

Soon everyone was up and we had breakfast and I got to ready to start my tour of the city. Thankfully my host is self-employed so he didn’t have to report to the office. We are accompanied by his sister-in-law, Chy who only recently moved to Abidjan from Nigeria and hasn’t been around very much.

At the point, let me inform you guys that unlike Lagos, Abidjan is not a very large City. It comprises of these main areas- COCODY, DEUX PLATEAUX, MARCORY, PLATEAU, RIVIERA, TREICHVILLE, ZONE 3, ZONE 4/BIETRY, ADJAME, PORT BOUET.

Our first stop was SOCOCE (pronounced SA-KO-ZAY). SOCOCE is a shopping mall located in Deux Plateaux (pronounced Day-Platoo) The shopping malls are called Galleria/Gallery by the locals. I learn from my friends that Abidjan peeps love the Galleries a lot and most of their shopping are done in the malls.

So we snoop around the malls. My sparse knowledge of French comes into play here as the number one french phrase I remember from my secondary school days is “Combien?”(meaning How much?) When the shop owners rattle off in French, I quickly go “Je ne comprend pas…Tu parle anglais?” (meaning I don’t understand…do you speak English) Almost always, I get a shake of the head and the reply “Non, Un peu…un peu” (“No, small…small”). At this point I let K or Chy his sis-in-law take over the conversation. Am surprised at how fast Chy has been able to pick up the language in the short while she has been in Abidjan. She almost rattles off as well as the Ivoriens.

We buy a few things at the sports shop, have lunch at a restaurant in the mall then head over to CAP SUD, another gallery located in Zone 4(Quatre).

We basically do the same things here, snoop around the malls, buy some stuff, and take photographs.

Then we drive around the city for a while before heading back home so as to beat the evening traffic.

DAY 3
This morning, it rained but I wasn’t deterred. No rain was going to stop me from traipsing round the city. Soon though, the rain faded to a light drizzle and once again we took off, this time me, my host, K and a friend of his.
We drove round the city, had lunch at a fast food place-Castle Fried Chicken in Zone 4/BIETRY.

Then we went to PRIMA, another Gallerie in Zone 4. Snooped round the shops, bought some stuff. Things are really expensive in Abidjan, anytime I asked for the amount of something and was told the cost in CFA(their local currency), I did the conversion to Naira in my head and I came to the conclusion that their stuffs were more expensive than in Nigeria. The exchange rate is N1 to 4CFA. The average cost of a good quality top in Abidjan is about 30,000CFA which is around N7,500.

After PRIMA, we headed to SORIRE D’ANGE, a lingerie shop located in Plateaux. The owner of the shop is a friend of K’s and he had talked so much about her that I decided to check out her stuff. I didn’t find anything I liked there or rather the costs were just simply outrageous. Even when K offered to pay I just wouldn’t allow him waste his money like that. I couldn’t imagine paying 50,000CFA for a Brassiere, when no be gold them take make the bra!lol!

We got back on the road, cruising around. I bought some Bole(roasted plantain) on the road. Did I mention that this is a very popular in Abidjan? I saw many Bole Sellers all over the place and I learnt from my friends that Ivoriens love Plantains and they eat a lot of it from fried plantains to plantain chips to roasted plantain to boiled plantains to pounded plantain, just name it!
And plantains are so so cheap over there! If I lived in Abidjan, I would eat plantain every day, oh yes I am a plantain lover!

The last place we visited was the Phone Village. It is similar to our own computer village in Lagos except that it is much smaller. Do I need to tell you that the prices were also crazy! Almost twice the cost of what the phones were going for in Naija. I couldn’t understand why they were that expensive.

Food stuffs and locally manufactured stuff in Abidjan are relatively cheap compared to Naija but imported goods like clothing, accessories, phones, computers are really expensive. K explained that the Taxes paid on the imported goods are very high which is why they are that expensive.

DAY 4
Today, I went out with K and Chy. We parked our car somewhere in Plateaux and decided to walk. It was fun.

We saw some really nice artworks displayed on the road. Haggled with the sellers, not like we really wanted to buy but we just wanted to know how much they were going for.
We took some photographs around the city then headed to BLOCKHAUSS. This was the area where the real indigenes of Abidjan lived, you know like the Isale Eko peeps of Lagos Island.
We went to this popular local joint where they serve seafoods(crabs, snails, Fish). At first I was apprehensive cos of the setting but I really enjoyed the meal. The snail was amazing.

The roasted fish and Acheké too was something else. Acheke(couscous) is to the Ivorian what Garri is the the Nigerian. I learnt that everywhere they go, their Acheké goes with them,lol!

We went to talk to the women preparing the meal and they were very warm and friendly, I even helped turn the Acheké on Fire. The women found it very funny.

From there we headed to Hotel Ivoire in Cocody. The biggest hotel in Cote d’Ivoire. I

It is a Five Star hotel although it has lost some of its shine due to poor maintenance. We looked round the hotel, had some drinks, took some photos and headed back home.

Day 5

Today we packed up our stuff and headed for the beach-GRAND BASSAM beach. We spent practically the whole day on the beach having fun, playing, eating and just generally lazing under the sun.

Later at night we went clubbing. Visited different clubs and finally settled at a strip club, yea, you heard right, A STRIP CLUB and No! I don’t have an addiction for strip clubs yet,lol! Just that after my first strip club experience in Naija, I was curious to see how things were ran there in Abidjan.
There weren’t many people at the strip club which was surprising to me cos the last one I visited in Nigeria was very rowdy and jam-packed. K informed me that Abidjan people were tired of the strip clubs and it wasn’t a big deal to them anymore which was why the place was almost empty.
The owner of the club was a friend to K and he offered to ask one of the girls to give me a complimentary lap dance on the house. I didn’t see no harm in it so I accepted. Next thing I knew about five almost nude girls swamped me, one of them pushing her arse in my face, the other dragged my hand to her boobs. The one dancing suddenly reached for my top to pull it down, na then I know say wahala don land. No be person tell me to take cover. Chy laughed at me “Shey na u want lap dance, oya why you dey run now?”

I replied “Nne I wanted lap dance, I didn’t ask to be raped!”
At about 4am, we headed for home.

Day 6

Chy and I decided it was going to be a day for the girls and where else do the girls head to if not to the market to do some serious shopping. We headed to the Grandé Marche(Big market) in Adjame. The market reminded me of Oshodi market in Lagos.

I went with 100,000CFA which is about N25,000 and I planned to purchase some of the local fabric(Woodin) and I was pleasantly surprised to find that It was a lot cheaper than in Nigeria so I purchased quite a lot to give to family and friends when I get back to Nigeria. I also bought some lovely ivory beads and some local slippers.

We also planned to make soup for the house so we went to the food stuffs section. Again it was refreshing to find how cheap the foodstuffs were. We even bought 3 huge bunches of plantains for 600CFA(about N150). That would be impossible in Nigeria!

I also showed some of my razzness according to Chy. I didn’t think they were crazy. I was just having fun the best way I knew how even if it meant being called a razz babe,lol!
I drank Coconut juice by the roadside, bought some local roadside sharwarma,lol! It was actually roasted meat on sticks(somewhat like suya) and hard rock-like bread. I saw people queing up for it and I thought to myself, “This thing wey dem dey rush like this go sweet o”, lol! I ended up not liking it so much.

We also bought some fruits. There was this guy making fresh pineapple juice. You pick out a pineapple and he peels it and squeeze out the juice for you. I couldn’t wait for all that long process so I bought a bottle of already squeezed juice for 700CFA. I really enjoyed it when I drank it at home(Nooo, I didn’t drink it in the market, my razzness get level na,lol!)

After hours of shopping we headed home. We couldn’t do anymore touring that day cos we had to cook soup for the house.

Oh! I forgot to mention we took taxis for the first time. Abidjan taxis! Those people dey use better motor dey do taxi for there o and they charged us 1500CFA (About N350) which is quite cheap if you consider that they buy a litre of petrol for up to 800CFA (about N200).

Day 7
Today, we had a full tour team. K, K’s pal, T(K’s nephew), Chy and I.

We headed for the University De Cocody, Abidjan. The university was okay, nothing fantastic. We walked around, took some shots and left for PRIMA cos K had to fix his laptop there.
As usual, Chy and I went browsing the shops looking for deals but found none. We stopped for some ice-cream at some point too.

As soon as K was through, we left for home but stopped on the way for some Abidjan Suya. They don’t prepare their Suya like we do in Naija. The meat is boiled in a huge metal pot from which customers make their choice(liver, beef, Shaki, e.t.c). the meat is chopped into bits and served with pepper, tomatoes and onions. It tasted good though.

Day 8
I call this the Chinese day.
Left the house at about noon to a Chinese restaurant in Zone 4(Did I mention Zone 4 is the happening place in Abidjan?).

Enjoyed the meal-Rice and Fish in sauce.
After the meal we headed to a massage parlour, also in Zone 4 where I got the best massage I’ve ever gotten in my life from a Chinese Masseuse.

It was a very relaxing experience and all I wanted to do afterwards was just sleep but my friend K had other plans.
He wanted to buy me a gift at the Gallery. A new phone. He had yabbed my faithful Nokia 3110c which I love very much and felt a big girl like me needed a classy phone(his own words o!)
So I went along. Free thing dey sweet now,lol!
I chose a Nokia N95 but the price was crazy. Almost 50% more than the cost in Nokia Store, Nigeria so I opted to take the money in cash and purchase the phone when I get back in Naija. They graciously agreed.

We did a lil’more shop snooping and picture snapping before we finally left for home.

On our way out of the Galleria, I saw this awesome sight in the sky.

I just had to take a shot. Don't know what it was though.

Day 9
This was my last day in Abidjan. My flight back to Nigeria was scheduled for 7.45pm Abidjan time so I still had plenty time to look around. K decided to take me to the Zoo. Okay rather, I bullied him into taking me,lol!

The Zoo was fun. I saw animals I had only read of in books. Elephants, Lions, camels, Crocodiles, Panthers, Hyenas, Gorillas e.t.c.

From the Zoo, we went to Cocody market. I wanted to do some last minute shopping and K had assured me I would get lots of nice African print shirts, dresses and accessories to give out as gifts when I get back to Nigeria.

I wasn’t disappointed. I spent all the money I had on me in that market. Would have even bought more stuff if I had more money. Shopamaniac like me,lol!

Had to go back home to take a nap before heading to the airport.

At about 6pm, we left for the airport. I had mixed feelings; I was sad cos I had to leave but was also happy that I made the trip to Abidjan.

It was one wonderful experience I would never forget!

"All correct Sir!"

When you’re ‘all correct’, you become confident. You are not scared that you might fall short of any standards because you know that you have fulfilled all necessary obligations.

Am sure you all are wondering what this babe is rambling about.

Will get to it in a minute.

Picture this.
You are a student in a school and you need to have certain requirements before yon can receive lectures. For instance, a particular lecturer insists that every student must buy his ‘handouts’(you know how some lecturers put together some notes, photocopy them, call them handouts and insist you buy then at exorbitant prices) before you can sit in his class for lectures. Unfortunately your ass is broke and you can’t afford the ‘handouts’ at the time but you desperately want to receive lectures. So you sneak into the classroom and pray Mr. Lecturer doesn’t notice you and ask for your copy of the handout. Even when you need to ask a question during the lecture, you can’t because you are not ‘all correct’!

Or let’s try this other scenario.

You are a driver in Lagos and FRSC(FEDERAL ROAD SAFETY COMMISION) laws say that you must have a fire estinguisher, C-caution sign and a valid driver’s licence before you can drive your car in the city.
You don’t not have the requirements above but you still need to drive somewhere so you get into your car praying you don’t run into any Road Safety official on your way.
Sometimes you are lucky and you don’t or you pass by them and they don’t bother to stop you for their normal ‘checks’.
Other times, you ain’t so lucky and you run into them. They stop you and you get booked for being a defaulter-you may have to eventually pay like 5 times the price for those items you don’t have. Its either that or you decide to beg, flash your super white ‘32’(teeth) and toast(flatter) the officer if he/she is of the opposite sex.

“Officer, haba…take am easy na. Na forget I forget am for house(lol! Forget ko!), abeg mercy for me…see as you fine…people wey fine like you no suppose vex na…you resemble Ramsey Noah o…na your brother?....officer…oya smile na…”

LOl! See toasting!
Even when its obvious that the FRSC Officer looks like a direct descendant of the baboon, you’ll still call him ‘fine boy’ all so that he can let you go.
Sorry for you if the guy decides to believe your psyching and even begin to nurse the notion that you just may be interested in him as per ‘fine boy no pimples’ wey him be na,lol! So he asks for your phone number and God help you if you refuse to give it to him. Don’t even think of giving a fake number cos he is going to call the number right there on the spot unless of course you have a good lie to back it up.

Anyway, the point am trying to make here is that you have to endure all the wahala just because you were not ‘all correct’. You get the point now? Things would definitely have been different if your game was tight and you had all the required items.

Okay to the main gist of the day.

I have been an actor in that second scenario a couple of times,lol!
I had my C-caution sign, my driver’s licence but no Fire estinguisher. I think it was just plain ol’ laziness on my part cos I just kept saying-tomorrow, tomorrow…I’ll get it but would forget only to remember as soon as I saw the familiar brown uniformed guys a few metres ahead. Then I’ll have to go through the usual flashing my ‘31’( my teeth are not up to 32, am I normal peeps?) and toasting the officer. Unfortunately if it was a female officer, then I’ll have to think up more tactics to get out of the situation, trust me…smiling and toasting from a female don’t work with the female officers. I may get lucky and she calls her superior officer who is usually a male, so I unleash my charms on him and in a few minutes am off on my way again with the smile on my face and the scrowl on hers(the female officer).

“Am sorry lady but my charms are very effective,lol!”

Anyway, I soon got tired of playing those games with the officers and got me a nice looking fire extinguisher. Guess what guys? Since una sister buy fire extinguisher, I haven’t been stopped by any FRSC officer o! See devil! When I didn’t have a fire extinguisher, I was stopped at every turn by the FRSC people but now I have gone and got me a really fine fire extinguisher, dem no gree stop me again …mshew …nonsense and fried chicken!

But on my way to work yesterday morning, I finally got stopped.
There I was jejely driving my small hummer(lol) when this man in brown uniform just jumped into the road in front of me motioning for me to “Park!’
First of all I was not mildly pissed at the abrupt way he stopped me and I was ready to tell him my mind. I wouldn’t have been able to if it was when I wasn’t ‘all correct’ sha.
So I parked like the nice lady that I am, wound down the glass and stared him in the face and reprimanded him.
“Why did you have to stop me so abruptly, you know you could have caused an accident?”
He quickly apologized with this smug smile on his face that said:
“Abeg leave that one and show me wetin I want see…I sure say you no go get dem…by then we go know who go dey say sorry”
I understood the look and was pleased cos I was going to burst his bubble.

“Your driver’s license madam?”

I fumbled in my bag for a while. He still had the smug look on his face. He was probably thinking I didn’t have my license and was just killing time. I got it out finally and surrendered it to him. After looking at it intently like he was trying to determine if it was really my pic on the license, he went on.

‘Your Fire Extinguisher and C-caution ma?

The time was finally here. I was going to show my fire extinguisher to an FRSC officer for the first time…what a thrill,lol!

So I got down from the car. Showed off my fine legs first( even though he hadn’t asked to see that:)), then I lifted the trunk and got out my ‘fine’ fire extinguisher. I gave it to him proudly.
He opened the pack probably wishing in his heart it was one of ‘em fake extinguisher but na…sorry dude! mine was really cool as he soon discovered, he even nodded his head as he put it back into the pack.
I gave him the C-caution too.

As I walked back into my car, I was the one with the smug look on my face...I was ‘all correct’!

Ps: I really missed you all. I had to take some time off bloggimg to concentrate on some other issues although I still made out time to visit some blogs.
You’ll be seeing more of me, I promise you guys.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU AFROBABE.