Road Rant!

I am in the mood for some ranting so bear with me.

What’s up with inconsiderate, selfish, bordering on the wicked drivers? Yes I know you have got some where to go but so do I!!! What makes you think you are the only one who is late for an appointment or who needs to get home quickly because you need to poopoo??
And you who like to overtake without glancing in your rear mirror to see if any car is coming behind you, you berra take your time o! You are not just risking your life but the life of other road users ASSHOLE!

*Danfo driver, am also warning you o. I know your bus is all scratched up and dented but you don’t have to dent mine too, do you? It’s not even your bus sef that’s why you drive like someone who’s high on *gbana. See me o…I no want wahala, if you scratch my motor, you go pay, chikena!’

Ehen, Tanker driver abi na Trailer sef, some people dey call you hired killer, me I no send you at all. You think say because you dey drive heavy duty moto, dat one give you the right to dey march throttle without brake? Stay one side jare, make we wey dey drive small moto see road pass. No dey take ur big trailer intimidate us, in fact if I had my way you will only be allowed to drive at night and not during the day. You people have become a nuisance on our roads, breaking down at the wrongest places and causing traffic up and down. The other day, it took me three whole hours to get to work just because one of you broke down as usual in the middle of the highway. Take time o…take time!

I won’t forget you siren blower! Yes we know say you sabi blow siren well well, paaa…puuu…paaa…puuu, we don see you politician!
Because say my papa no be presido abi no guv’nor, na im make you dey oppress me abi? No worry, just dey pray and fast say make I no become presido or guv’nor because the first thing wey I go do na to ban the use of siren for this obodo Nigeria.
People go dey sweat for traffic and you go come use your siren and pilot cars dey meander for traffic. When you scratch poor people like me dem motor, you no dey even stop to say sorry. If person no gree clear for road for you, na to bring out koboko begin flog the person like say na you born am. Take time o…I dey draw my ear o, take am for ya time!

*Okada driver! I hail you o!
I don’t even know how to start your matter. I know say you get spare life for house, me I no get o! If your frustration don too much and you want commit suicide, abeg please go to your village, find one strong better rope and one strong tree, do your thing for there. No come dey find person wey you go die put for im neck. I never kill person before and I no go kill. If you jump for front of my motor with your Okada, I go march brake one time. Wetin go make me vex na if you scratch my headlamp, my bumper or my motor. Na that time you go know say person wey cool, no be say im no sabi craze, na say the thing wey go make am craze never come.
I see your body, na so so wound full am, yet you never learn your lesson. That ur friend wey dey drive Okada with you before, where im dey now? Still you never learn your lesson. I no dey pity you o, na the innocent person wey you carry on top your okada I dey pity. Well, im too get small blame, he see as you dey drive like person wey don ‘kolo’, still yet e siddon like say them superglue am for the seat. When *kasala go burst make e no kuku complain sha.

Expressway crosser wey like to dey cross road even when pedestrian bridge dey by your side. They say a word is enough for the wise so I won’t waste my saliva on you. If you wan run marathon, go and join Glo marathon, don’t come and be crossing express and be risking your life for nothing.
It will take more time and strength to climb the bridge I know but is your life not worth it? Stay alive not for your sake but the sake of your loved ones, they still need you around!

I don talk my own sha, I dey come back!


*gbana-Indian hemp, *kasala- Trouble, Okada-Motorcycle, *Danfo-Bus

RECAP FROM LAST FRIDAY.

Whats up every one! I haven’t been able to update my blog since last week cos I have been busy, busy, busy. However, I was still able to visit some of my regular blogs and for those I haven’t dropped by yet, don’t worry I have y’all in mind and will drop by as soon as I find time to.

I am going to give you guys a recap of what’s been going on with me since last Friday.

FRIDAY JULY 6TH

I didn’t go to work today as I had an interview with one of the multinational giants in the country. Had to take a casual leave from work so i could attend the interview. My boss didnt like it but he had to give in although he didnt know the real reason why.

Got to the interview venue( one of the 5 star hotels in Lagos) at about 8.15am. the letter had stated to be there by 8 but trust lagos traffic now, even though I left my house quite early still got there like 15 minutes late. Anyway. I was the last to arrive. I collected my candidate card and waited in a hall with some other candidates for the interview to begin.

At about 9am, the interview commenced. It was going to be in 3 segments-Group discussions, Analysis and presentation and a Competency based interview. Phew! From the timeplan given to be it was supposed to last till 6pm. I geared up to give it my best shot as it hadn’t been easy to get this far and it didn’t want it to be all for nothing.

One hour and One segment after, we went for a tea break. My group had been the last to finish our discussions and by the time we got to the Tea room, sharp guys and babes done chop the better things finish. Just a few croissants, toasts and pastries were left. Being the nice babe I am and since I was supposed to be on a diet, I decided to leave the snacks for my other group members to share and I had some watermelon and pineapple slices which tasted nice anyway.

Next was the analysis and presentation stage after which we went for a second break. This time, it was for lunch. Me, I didn’t want any story this time o so I made sure I was among the first set to get to the restaurant. Turned out it was unnecessary as it was a buffet and they was more than enough food to go round. I sha use vex enter the food, taking a bit of every thing that smelt/looked good: Jollof rice, bushmeat, chicken, beef and shaki, salad, Efo riro(vegetable soup). Yea,I know I was supposed to be on a diet but the kain hunger wey dey gba me then no let me think that side at all but sha when every one was going for deserts I had to tell myself: “Princess u berra respect urself and just gum ur yansh for chair!”.

Last stage of the interview over, it was time to battle my way through the crazy island traffic back home. Got home about 8pm, took my bath and went straight to bed.

I am praying I get the job and I need y’all to do some prayers/fasting for me too. When I get the job I go buy una………….ok ok just let me know what you want then and it will be granted and noo this is not a politician’s promise at all.

SATURDAY JULY 7TH

I did some cleaning/washing around the house in the morning. At about 12pm,I went with my brother to buy a spare tire for my car(I had been driving for a while now without one, God know what my fate would have been in the hands of Lagos area boys if I ever had the misfortune of a flat tire driving at night, God! I don’t even want to think of that). Got back home at about after 1pm. Decided to go do a lil’ shopping at the Trade fair complex along badagry express way. That was a huge mistake as I was in the traffic for close to four hours. Since the rains started, most of the already bad roads have deteriorated and that was the major cause of this crazy traffic. By the time I got to Trade fair complex around 5pm, the market was already closed. All the stress had been for nothing! One stupid danfo driver even dented my car sef. Feeling sorry for myself, I turned back again homewards this time to sweat it out again in the traffic for another 2 hours. Finally got home at about 7pm after wasted 6 hours of my time, fuel, energy all for nothing. I was soooo frustrated and tired after the whole experience. I thought of all the things I could have done, like going to the salon, watching movies or even sleeping, anything but the stress I went through.

Took my bath, watched a movie halfway and slept off.

SUNDAY JULY 8^TH

After the stress of the previous day, i just didn’t feel like driving to church coupled with the fact that to get a parking space in my church is something else(u could still be looking for where to park ur car and the mass would be over before you find one) so i decided to take a bus/okada(a bike) which ever one I got first. 15 mins later I was still standing under my umbrella (it was raining) at the entrance to my close waiting for a bus/okada. Just as I was contemplating going back home to pick my car, this jeep drives out of the close and stops in front of me. I peered in to see if it was someone i knew but the face looked unfamiliar. The driver wound down the glass and asked if he could drop me off. I had no choice o! It was either that or go back home to pick my car and risk spending the whole time looking for where to park. I got in and prepared my self for the toasting I knew was going to follow. I was in no mood for any toasting but i just had to be nice afterall he was doing me a favour by dropping me off @ church.

As I was about getting down he asked for my number and I just smiled and said “Am sorry but my boyfriend wont take kindly to men calling me”. He was a gentleman and didn’t push any further.

Am in church and trying to listen to the homily but am being distracted by some guy that just keeps staring @ me like am some alien or something. Why do people have to stare stupidly at someone? I mean if you have to stare why not do it stylishly??

Went to the salon to do my hair for the week.

Later in the day I hung out @ the palms mall in lekki with my friend Obi. It’s his birthday today(Manda u missed, sorry u had to work).

MONDAY JULY 9^TH

Back to work. Meetings, Meetings, Meetings. We are preparing for an advertising pitch in the office and that means chasing graphic artists, copywriters, radio/television jingles producers, printers and all. Work has to be completed in time for the presentation date scheduled by Client.

TUESDAY JULY 10TH

Work, Work, and more work! Have to do a photography shoot for the advertising campaign. Co-ordinating kids aint an easy task o! “Aunty I want sweets! I want more sweets!! I want to peeepeee!!!!” God have mercy!

WEDNESDAY JULY 11TH

Work.

More work.

3pm. My boss calls me-"Princess, get ready we have a meeting with the chairman of xxxxx Company by 4 pm". God! Not today! am thinking. I already have a headache and if i know that woman very well(The chairman of xxxxx Company), we will sit for like 2 hours before she see us. that would mean we would be starting the meeting about 6pm and if we are lucky to round up in an hour. we should leave there by 7pm. The trip back to the office will take another 45mins(if the traffic is not too heavy), then i would leave for home around 7:45pm to get home in another 1 hour. 8:45pm!

No way!

I buzz my boss.

"Sir, cant we reschedule the meeting for tomorrow morning, its already late".

"No, we cant. It was hard enough to get this appointment. If the client says she wants it at 6pm we just have to be there".

6pm. We are still in the reception waiting for her majesty. My colleague turns to me and whispers:

"Even if na president we come see sef, e no go be like dis"

Finally around 6.30pm, we were ushered in to her office by her secretary.

Meeting starts. My boss introduces the agenda. Guess what Madam says:

"Am sorry but we havnt even discussed this in house yet. We have to reschedule this meeting to next week."

God! I feel like giving this woman a knock on the head.

Now i have to go face the late evening rush hour traffic. God help me!

THURSDAY JULY 12TH

Still more work. Thank God no meetings today. Am not in the mood for too much grammar. More photography shoots. Work has to be concluded this week so i just have to get off this computer and do some more chasing around the agency.

See you around guys.