Get thee behind me!

I saw him walk into my office. There was no mistaking the height or build.
We embraced.

Him: Heeeey! It’s been a while…you’ve lost some weight and it is good!
Me: Yea a really long while. It’s been almost a year since I last saw you right?
Him: Yes…something like that. I saw your car outside while driving past and was wondering what you were still doing at work this late.
Me: Its only 7 and I had some work to tidy up. How is the family?
Him: They are fine. Mehn…you look very sexy! I never imagined you would look this good if you lost some pounds but you do!
Me: (Smiling) Thanks. You didn’t see me when I really lost the weight. Now I have packed on the pounds again
Him: Oh yea…you must have worked really hard. So what did you do?
Me: No big deal. Just dieting…you know watching what I eat and so on
Him: And it really worked! See how good you look, I could eat you up right now
Me: (laughing) Eat me ke! Abeg o!
Him: You refused to date me na. I don’t know what I did to you sef
Me: You are married, that’s what!
Him: You remember you told me to give you N5 million and you would date me for one year.
I had told him that last year when he kept bugging my life. The bugging stopped soon after that…I knew it would. Stingo!
Me: Of course I remember! So do you have the money now?
Him: Haba, sweetheart that is being materialistic now. It’s like I am paying you for your love…can’t you just love me from your heart?
Me: (lol! See this ewu can beer wey dey find osho free…nonsense!)Did you say love?? If I want love I know where to go for it…not with a married man!
Him: This babe you harsh o! Let me make you feel like a real woman
Me:??
Him: (making a fist) You know my thing…my thing is very big…really BIG. You see this your fine hips enh…that’s just what they need. I’ll….
Me: Abeg cut the crap, am leaving the office now. After you!

Get thee behind me all ye married men!